Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Roller coaster ride

King David wrote "When I felt secure, I said, 'I will never be shaken' ...O Lord, when you favored me, you made my mountain stand firm; but when you hid your face, I was dismayed." (Psalm 30:6-7)

He must have been bipolar, don't you think? He knew exactly what it feels like to be doing really well and think your bipolar illness is totally under control, depression never to bother you again - and then to have it hit again. So unthinkable when things are good to believe it can happen again. But bipolar disease does not go away and we are bound to be affected again and again, no matter how good our medications and how balanced a lifestyle we lead. No matter how good our coping skills are.

My life has been like a roller coaster ride over the past few weeks. Not standing in a firm place at all. But it's not terrible either. I surface and do well in between the days of depression. Yet it doesn't take much to trigger the tears.

Nevertheless, I do sense God with me, even in the tears. And yesterday evening, wonder of wonders, after a bad day I was able to do a presentation, speaking very eagerly about Living Room to representatives from several churches. I wanted so much to have them learn about what they can do to support people with mood disorders. Nothing was going to hold me back. No one would have guessed I was in the middle of a depression.

Today has been a good day. Visited Mom (what a delight) and got a tiny start at packing up her things in the apartment. Tomorrow and Thursday I will be attending the 13th Annual Cross-Cultural Mental Health Symposium on Spirituality and Well Being at Simon Fraser University. I'm very excited about this. It should be a healthy way to get me out of the ruminating I've been doing.

Some of the topics:
  • The Vital Importance of Spirituality in Medicine
  • A Spirituality and End of Life Panel Discussion
  • Mindfulness, Meditation and Healing: Experiential Workshop
  • The God-Shaped Void: Spirituality and Addictions
  • Twelve Step Programs: Spiritual Awakening and the Path of Recovery
  • ...and lots more.
I look forward to this opportunity to learn and be inspired.

"For his anger lasts only a moment, but his favor lasts a lifetime; weeping may remain for a night, but rejoicing comes in the morning." Psalm 30:5


sbwrites said...

For someone who's feeling slightly depressed, it sounds like you're doing very well--and your conference sounds very interesting.

I believe that one of the things that can cause "tears" and mood swings is stress. And all the things that are happening with your mother are so very stressful--even when things are slightly better.

Even people who aren't bipolar might feel sad.


marja said...

Thanks, Susan. Yes, the last couple of days have been okay. You should have seen me on Sunday and Monday though! Never thought I could go there again. I'm getting some good support though, and that helps.

Yes, I know it's stress that brought me here, the negative stress with Mom and Living Room and book activities. My life seems like a mountain.

Thanks for caring and for looking in, Susan.


Nancie said...

Thank God for preserving you, Marja, and enabling you to serve Him even when you are unwell!

I have not been very well myself lately and learning to pace myself more moderately. I can identify with the mood swings every now and then despite having coping means. Thank God that He is with us and He will sustains and strengthen us.

I just heard a very encouraging message yesterday in church of how the Lord is our Mighty Help in the storms of life. I just posted and shared on it on my blog. I am greatly comforted that God is with me through all the storms of life and my battle with bipolar disorder and other challenges. Thank God that we are more than conquerors through Him Who loved us!

You are in my thoughts and prayers always. Please take care. May God continue to minister His comfort and grace to you as you wait upon Him daily. May He continue to grant you strength to serve Him and make you a blessing to others even in this time. Take care! Hugs.

marja said...

Nancie, Thank you so very much for looking in and for your comment and encouragement. Actually I am now doing quite a bit better - lots better. Just feeling too tired to post about it right now, but hope to very soon.

I'll look in on what you wrote as well, but feel I need to just do nothing for tonight. No energy left. I'm finding I have to pace myself as well - not force anything I'm not up to.

Thanks for your prayers.