Monday, October 16, 2006

Stupid me!!!

I want to address this post to Jane, and everyone else who is familiar with my blog, and how I always talk about how I'm not much affected with stigma - as though I've risen above it or something. Well I haven't risen above it, and I guess no one with a mental disorder will, for many years. I got careless today and told someone - at the wrong time and in the wrong way - before she had gotten to know me first.

I could kick myself. Someone called to ask about my support group. After I told her where it is and when, I mentioned that I have bipolar disorder. This lady, who was so friendly to begin with, went noticeably quiet.

Why did I do that? I didn't have to do that! It had nothing to do with anything. Couldn't I just have waited and mentioned it - in passing - when I introduce myself at the group meeting? That was so dumb!!

I have talked about how free I've become at church, that I don't have to keep my disorder a secret. But that took a long time in coming.(and I still don't talk about it with people who I don't know well, not unless they ask.) I had to let them get to know me first. I had to find appropriate times and places to let them know. When I first started coming to this church, I had a meeting with the pastor and let him know. He was wonderful. Said that he would like to learn about this disorder from me. He and his wife prayed with me when I was going through a difficult time. Others came to know very gradually.

This will be a bit of a stressful week. I go to visit my sister in the Gulf Islands off the mainland for Tuesday and Wednesday. Then, on Thursday night and Saturday, I will be giving a one-hour presentation on candid child photography. Every time I think of it, I get a flutter of butterflies in my stomach. The talk on Saturday, especially, scares me a bit. It will be at a photo conference and I may have quite a large audience. If you pray, please think of me.


Anonymous said...

Oh gosh....I know this anxiety.
Would it be horrible to think there is a reason for everything?

Dobro said...

We all have to be careful whom we tell, when, how much, etc.
It's a pain, to say the least. I hope the rest of your week goes well. Prayers and hugs your way today!

Anonymous said...

yeah, we have to be careful about what we reveal. i'm very conscious of it right now.

jumpinginpuddles said...

i know the getting to know you bit in a church and still they dont, well done for perservering and good luck with the presentation

jane said...

My heart sunk for you. (or is it sank?) I did something similar just yesterday & wish I could have taken it back.
Isn't it odd that we are upset with ourselves though, yet it's society & those who reacted that should be ashamed.
Had we told them we have Alzheimers or Epilepsy, chances are, they wouldn't have had such a reaction.
It's odd because all are mental illnesses.
I feel for you, Marja.

Dream Writer said...

Don't you think that sometimes people are taken back at first by things, but then overcomes them eventually?

I know your feelings as I told someone a long time ago that I had bipolar and regret it. It was when I was first diagnosed and didn't take it too seriously back then because I was in denial.

Jane - Epilepsy is a mental illness??