Taking a wee break

Hi everyone,

I feel bad that I haven't posted anything for awhile. It's been hard to focus on it. Though I know I'm depressed, please don't think things are hugely bad. But I know I have to pace myself. Unfortunately blogging is one thing I will have to put on hold. I truly hope it won't be too long - because I do love to share here.

Take care and may God bless you.

marja

Distractions and uncertainties

Wow, have I been wanting to write here! But the time never seemed to be right. There have been so many distractions in my life keeping me from doing the reading and writing I would just love to do. Yet, I have been photographing. And that's good.

The photography has been good relief from all the heavy stuff that has been happening for me lately. The pictures here were taken at our church picnic a week ago. I've come to look on photography as a form of worship. So glad I've been able to focus a bit on that in the midst of the troubles and uncertainties I presently live with!

My mother is still in hospital, so we are still uncertain as to when we can take a break away or whether we'll be able to get away at all. Last Tuesday was especially difficult. While my husband and I visited her she had a heart attack - mild, but I could see we almost lost her. Things turned out ok though. She recovered and today she is perky, crocheting in her bed and wanting very much to go home.

That same Tuesday two other close friends were admitted to the same hospital. Thank goodness, though. One was sent home yesterday. And the other one is doing delightfully better.

On top of all these happenings, I went to the Willow Creek Leadership Summit on Thursday and Friday. Such a wonderful event! I learned so much! Though I must say it was an awful lot to take in. One of the speakers said it was "like drinking from a fire hydrant." That's one reason I played hookey Thursday afternoon. Another reason I skipped out was that I was fed so much good stuff Thursday morning that I needed to go home and digest it and journal about it.

The topics I found so useful were on team building and casting vision. I so need to try harder passing along the passion I have for Living Room to the people I'd like to work with. Because yes, I am trying to build a team to help me with the broader work of Living Room - the work outside my own group that meets at my church. In September Living Room will have its fifth anniversary and I have for a long time very much needed a team, built of people from my church, to help me carry the vision forward in a stronger way.

But right now it's summertime. And I need to take some time to relax and read. Time to get my mind away from Living Room. Time for myself.

Today I pray to God that I will be able to discipline myself to quieten myself and spend some time reading and focusing on Him.

Mom

It's 3:30 in the morning and I am wide awake, ready for the day. Wow has my sleep cycle ever gone awry! I've been going to sleep earlier and earlier and waking up increasingly earlier. Yesterday morning it was 4:00. This morning before 3:30. And yet, I feel that I'm getting enough sleep. It's only in the evening that I start fading.

This morning I awoke thinking of my mom. She has been in hospital for a week now with congestive heart failure. The seriousness of this is starting to sink in. She continues to have chest pain and shortness of breath.

Mom will probably never be as able to look after herself as she has. She will probably have a lot of trouble walking and be in need of someone to help her go to the bathroom and get dressed. And yet, when I visited her yesterday, her spirit was still all there. She was a delight to visit. And she is still crocheting - even in her hospital bed.

The truth is starting to sink in. Mom probably won't live long with this condition. Prognosis is poor for people of any age. And for a 96-year-old it must be so much worse. But I must talk to her doctor about this. Maybe today if he's available.

So glad Living Room is having a break this month. When I planned to take a break I didn't know all this stuff with Mom was going to happen. God must have known I would need the break and led me. And I need to let Him keep leading me.

Just don't know now what will happen with our holiday to the Chilcotin. We long for it so much. But Mom will have to be stable if we are to go. And I don't know if I would want to leave if she were still in the hospital. Don't think I'd enjoy myself. I'd just worry. It probably wouldn't be the responsible thing to do.

After church today there will be a picnic in the park across the street. I look forward to that. Will bring my camera and photograph all the children. I've been wanting to do that for a long while. This would be a good opportunity.

And yet I'm feeling a sadness. Guess that's understandable and okay. I look forward to the light breaking outside so I can go sit out there. It's always healing to spend time on the patio - time with God.

The picture is one I took of my mom and dad many years ago. It's an accurate reflection of their spirit and good sense of humour. That spirit is still alive in Mom now and how I appreciate it! And how I will miss her when she's gone!