Sunday, August 01, 2010
It's 3:30 in the morning and I am wide awake, ready for the day. Wow has my sleep cycle ever gone awry! I've been going to sleep earlier and earlier and waking up increasingly earlier. Yesterday morning it was 4:00. This morning before 3:30. And yet, I feel that I'm getting enough sleep. It's only in the evening that I start fading.
This morning I awoke thinking of my mom. She has been in hospital for a week now with congestive heart failure. The seriousness of this is starting to sink in. She continues to have chest pain and shortness of breath.
Mom will probably never be as able to look after herself as she has. She will probably have a lot of trouble walking and be in need of someone to help her go to the bathroom and get dressed. And yet, when I visited her yesterday, her spirit was still all there. She was a delight to visit. And she is still crocheting - even in her hospital bed.
The truth is starting to sink in. Mom probably won't live long with this condition. Prognosis is poor for people of any age. And for a 96-year-old it must be so much worse. But I must talk to her doctor about this. Maybe today if he's available.
So glad Living Room is having a break this month. When I planned to take a break I didn't know all this stuff with Mom was going to happen. God must have known I would need the break and led me. And I need to let Him keep leading me.
Just don't know now what will happen with our holiday to the Chilcotin. We long for it so much. But Mom will have to be stable if we are to go. And I don't know if I would want to leave if she were still in the hospital. Don't think I'd enjoy myself. I'd just worry. It probably wouldn't be the responsible thing to do.
After church today there will be a picnic in the park across the street. I look forward to that. Will bring my camera and photograph all the children. I've been wanting to do that for a long while. This would be a good opportunity.
And yet I'm feeling a sadness. Guess that's understandable and okay. I look forward to the light breaking outside so I can go sit out there. It's always healing to spend time on the patio - time with God.
The picture is one I took of my mom and dad many years ago. It's an accurate reflection of their spirit and good sense of humour. That spirit is still alive in Mom now and how I appreciate it! And how I will miss her when she's gone!