It's 3:30 in the morning and I am wide awake, ready for the day. Wow has my sleep cycle ever gone awry! I've been going to sleep earlier and earlier and waking up increasingly earlier. Yesterday morning it was 4:00. This morning before 3:30. And yet, I feel that I'm getting enough sleep. It's only in the evening that I start fading.
This morning I awoke thinking of my mom. She has been in hospital for a week now with congestive heart failure. The seriousness of this is starting to sink in. She continues to have chest pain and shortness of breath.
Mom will probably never be as able to look after herself as she has. She will probably have a lot of trouble walking and be in need of someone to help her go to the bathroom and get dressed. And yet, when I visited her yesterday, her spirit was still all there. She was a delight to visit. And she is still crocheting - even in her hospital bed.
The truth is starting to sink in. Mom probably won't live long with this condition. Prognosis is poor for people of any age. And for a 96-year-old it must be so much worse. But I must talk to her doctor about this. Maybe today if he's available.
So glad Living Room is having a break this month. When I planned to take a break I didn't know all this stuff with Mom was going to happen. God must have known I would need the break and led me. And I need to let Him keep leading me.
Just don't know now what will happen with our holiday to the Chilcotin. We long for it so much. But Mom will have to be stable if we are to go. And I don't know if I would want to leave if she were still in the hospital. Don't think I'd enjoy myself. I'd just worry. It probably wouldn't be the responsible thing to do.
After church today there will be a picnic in the park across the street. I look forward to that. Will bring my camera and photograph all the children. I've been wanting to do that for a long while. This would be a good opportunity.
And yet I'm feeling a sadness. Guess that's understandable and okay. I look forward to the light breaking outside so I can go sit out there. It's always healing to spend time on the patio - time with God.
The picture is one I took of my mom and dad many years ago. It's an accurate reflection of their spirit and good sense of humour. That spirit is still alive in Mom now and how I appreciate it! And how I will miss her when she's gone!
8 comments:
Hi Marja,
This is a beautiful writing about your mom, even though it has sadness in it. You are focusing on her life, her spirit and all that she means to you-this is the happy and meaningful part.
I wouldn't worry about your trip. There are always times for trips. Even if you can't get away soon, perhaps you could go somewhere closer/less time in the weeks ahead.
You will never regret the time you have with your mom right now, even as difficult as it may be. God is always with you, with His Peace and guidance.
Please take care of your sleeping (go to Dr?) because I wouldn't want your mood to act up under the stress.
Many Hugs to you,
K.
Thanks, K. You're right, we should just not worry about having missed this trip. There are more important things. And this time with Mom IS important. I should relish it.
marja
You look like your Mom...
I think it it quite normal for you to be feeling the way you are. Must be difficult to have your Mom in that condition.
I am interested in seeing some pictures from the picnic! I bet they are beautiful...
Love.
Hey Spin!!
Yes, I guess it IS normal. I had a wonderful long quiet time outside this morning and afterwards my thoughts in and email to a friend were: "And everything will be alright. And all will go according to God's plan. All I have to do is to fall in step with Him."
So I do feel at peace.
Pictures from the picnic? Ah, I'd love to post some. But I will have to get permissions from the people I photographed first. I took 161 shots!! Many of course will be discards.
So good to have you come visiting again.
Love, marja
Marja,
Isn't it funny how the Lord seems to work our breaks out in just the right timing? We think we get our vacation but sometimes there are other things for us to do. But he never gives us anything we can't handle. This year, hubby had to deal with terrible tenant issues on our "vacation" and it was no vacation at all. But if we hadn't had the time off work, everything would have been chaos. This weekend was our anniversary. And some people from our church offered their condo at Sun Peaks for us to use for a short getaway. It was perfect. We got a bit of a break after all.
You are getting a break from Living Room, and I have a feeling that God is bringing some other sweet blessings into your life as well :)
God bless you as you walk with Him.
Love you. xoxo
You're so right, Jane. It was so good to have stayed home and to have been able to be there for the people we love.
Yesterday we almost lost Mom while we were visiting. We spent three hours with her as the hospital staff stablilized her.
And then we found out that two of my closest friends were admitted to hospital. Not a traumatic thing but a relief, because they need the care.
Yet it had me reeling a bit yesterday to know that there are now three people close to me to visit in hospital.
Yes, the important thing is to follow God and keep in step with Him. And all will work out.
Love you,
marja
This a very nice photo of your dad and mum, Marja. They are such special gifts from God. Thanks for sharing this touching post about your mum. It's encouraging that she has such a cheerful disposition. I am keeping her in my prayers. Glad you are able to take break and spend time with her. May God bless you and her with precious moments together.
Thank you very much for your prayers and encouragements. Thank God that I am much better and more functional now. I missed you and other blogging friends. It's good to be back :)
Take care and may God bless you and loved ones always.
With love and prayers,
Nancie
Hi Nancie,
So good to hear from you and to know that you have started feeling better.
I hope to come and visit your post soon. Haven't been too good at visiting others for awhile. Life gets pretty full and demanding at times, doesn't it?
Love you and pray that you will continue to improve. - marja
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