Monday, September 25, 2006

A crummy day

This has NOT been a good day. The only good thing is that it's almost over and I can start all over again tomorrow, hopefully in a more positive vein.

Yesterday someone I've been giving support to hurt himself quite badly. It was a shock. I've never been so close to someone who has gone that far. I wondered if I could have done more for him than I did.

So this morning I woke up at 5:30 - way too early - feeling bummed out about everything. Then, as I washed my face, I noticed that I had forgotten to take my evening meds last night. That was bad news. It was too late to do anything about it. I knew the day would be difficult. This was not a good time to be forgetting.

Then we had to go to my mom-in-law's, one hour away, to take her to the doctor. She probably has pneumonia. This is a worry because she almost died from that last year. And she's 95 years old. We had contacted doctors on Friday and Saturday. The one we talked to on Saturday said he would drop in and visit her. But he didn't. Our requests for help were ignored.

I get the feeling that doctors don't treat elderly people with as much dedication as they do the younger ones. Somehow I get the feeling that they think their time is almost up anyway and they don't work as hard to help them. I know this sounds like harsh criticism, but I'm seeing it time and again. (I have a 92-year old mother as well that I look after, so I have a lot of experience.)

I've been eating junk food most of the day. No appetite or desire to make a proper meal. My husband says he suspects a depression coming on.

But maybe it's all the bad news, combined with missing my meds, that are the problems. I must try to move out of this rut I'm finding myself in tonight.

Talking to a close friend tonight made me feel better. She's a dear and truly cares about me. She mothers me at times and other times I mother her. I promised her that I'd try to do some baking tonight. It would be a nice surprise for my poor husband when he gets home tonight. I hadn't even cooked him dinner, even though he had to go out and work for four hours tonight. My body and mind just went on strike.

But this is just one day. It doesn't mean that this is the beginning of anything. I just need to push myself a little. Making some muffins or squares should do the trick. Sounds like I'm trying to convince myself, doesn't it?


Bleeding Heart said...

I am so sorry Marja. I think that it is the combination of what is going on in your life and the missing meds as well.

Stress can trigger a depression of any kind be that a bipolar low or a normal low depression.

Be good to yourself. I am thinking about you and your friend and mother-in-law is in my prayers.

Crazy Fat Chick said...

Sorry about what you are going through. Jump back on the meds ASAP. I know that when I miss one dose, I tend to miss others.

Thinking good thoughts for you.

Dobro said...

Try not to feel guilty about your friend. I know that is easier said than done.You do what you can, then leave the rest to God.Plus, sometimes it has been my experience,anyway, that if I put too much of my energy into a person in need, then I have less for myself or the other people in my life.I'll keep you in prayer.