Freed

I'm feeling remarkably better. And I know it's mostly due to the prayer I started praying a couple of days ago. I realized I had been trying to rid myself of my depression by my own power. Totally forgot that I couldn't do it on my own. I needed God's help.

Now I know it could easily come back. And maybe this is just one good day I'm having. And yet...next time I'll know what to ask God for, if I'll only remember to trust Him. I need to stay close to God daily.

Please don't think though that this means you can do away with the meds your doctor prescribed. Don't think it means you don't have to do all the other good stuff you need to do to keep you well, like exercising, getting plenty of rest, eating well, staying active, spending time with friends. You'll need ALL those things. We need to treat our whole selves: the physical, mental, spiritual.

And about that prayer: I wrote it in my last post but I have to say I'm embarrassed about it now. I've rewritten it and prepared copies with the picture of the sunflower for my Living Room crew. A cute little presentation. I rewrite it here, hoping that it will help you too, next time you're feeling dark and unable to free yourself from it.

BEDROCK UNDER MY FEET

I love you, Lord – you make me strong.
You are bedrock under my feet.
I know you are with me.
I know you can free me from the dark that keeps me captive.
Help me to let it go.
Help me to trust in your ability to loosen the chains.

I trust you and place myself in your hands.
Thank you for your love.
Thank you for making me strong.

Yeah, I'm strong!
Through you, I'm strong.

Where can you turn when...

My roller coaster ride will not stop. I don't feel so depressed that I don't want to do anything. Just feel an overwhelming sense of sadness.

Trouble with me is that I feel a need to reach out - to draw comfort from others. Yet that kind of comfort is hard to come by. No one wants to hear another's complaints. What can they possibly do? My husband has compassion and that's so good. I thank God for him.

What puzzles me is this: When a person feels so down that they become suicidal (not me at this moment) they are told that they should reach out. They're told they should let others know how they're feeling. Yet how many people really want to be told how crummy a person feels? How many people truly know how to feel compassion? Depression is a lonely state to be in for sure. It's hard to find support that satisfies.

Right now I find most strength in carrying on with my Living Room work. I draw comfort from knowing I'm doing things that will help others. In being sensitive to the needs of others I forget myself for awhile.

My prayer is that I will not focus on my own needs so much that I become self-centered. My prayer is that I will be other-centered - to love as I wish to be loved. There's comfort in love - whether we give or receive. Let us love one another.

And I mustn't forget. God is always ready to listen and to comfort if I will with open arms receive him. I need to pray more. I need to not forget to pray and to spend time with God.