Friday, September 01, 2006

My rainbow

I want to reprint a little piece I wrote for my book, Riding the Roller Coaster. In retrospect, it doesn't truly reveal the pain that I feel in the deepest of depressions. Please forgive me if it seems I'm making light of feelings that cause true suffering. The thing is, when I'm on medications that are working for me and my moods don't go to extremes, this analogy would hold true.

"One of the things I don't mind about having a bipolar disorder is that it's provided me with a veritable rainbow of feelings. A rich assortment of feelings and moods is ever-present in my day-to-day life. The 'colors' range from joyful to painfully sad, but I've learned to value many of them.
Everyone has feelings, but I believe that people with my illness tend to sense things more strongly than many because our moods go up and down to such an intense degree. In a way it's good to be able to feel strongly: to know what it is to be swept away by beautiful music, to be deeply touched by a friend's words, and to sense fully the excitement of doing creative things.
It may seem strange, but I even value being able to feel sorrow deeply. What if I weren't able to feel? What if I were like a stone - insensitive? There is a richness to a heart that can contain truly deep feelings - in laughter
and in tears. When I feel strongly, I sense my humanity intensely.
I am happy and grateful that I have a brilliant rainbow inside me. I know that
all the colors - from blue to green to yellow and red - are necessary to make it what it is. Although some of its hues may be painful to me, the arch, in its entirety, is a wondrous phenomenon and the beautiful part of a storm."

3 comments:

jumpinginpuddles said...

ooo i really like what was written and it has gotten me thinking thanks

Dream Writer said...

Marja - That was truly beautiful. I have told my husband (in joking) that why would I NOT want to be bipolar? It is fun and normal is simply boring.

marja said...

Being bipolar does make for an "interesting" life, doesn't it?

Thank you, dream writer, and jumpinginpuddles for your comments.