Never invincible

When you've been doing well for a long time, it's hard to believe that you could ever be depressed again. But with bipolar disorder you're never totally in the clear. It's bound to come back. Here I am with two books published on how to live with bipolar disorder - how to cope - how to be strong - and here I am with depression looming again.

I feel down, teary, tired, not up to doing very much. I've also been overly worried about some things - overly negative. This is discouraging.

What makes it harder is that my 94-year-old mom isn't doing well. She's terribly confused and did something to the phone so that she can't use speed dial anymore. Last week she got over-wrought, not able to call anyone, feeling isolated and anxious. I think she has forgotten to go down to meals a few times, which means she doesn't get fed. This is not a care facility. The only people looking after her are those who give her a bath twice a week and those who do a bit of cleaning once a week.

So, on top of feeling depressed I feel stressed, wondering what we will do about Mom.

I'm going to have to simplify my life as much as I can. Re-prioritize a few things. Allow lots of room to try and get some care for Mom. Allow for extra time with her.

When I told my friend that I was into a downward spiral she asked me, "What are you going to do for yourself?" That's a very good question for a supporter to ask. It made me think - made me think I need to strategize a bit instead of just complaining and feeling sorry for myself. I need to reach outside myself instead of staying caught within.

I will try to do some chores and reward myself with lots of pleasurable things. I will:

• arrange for better care for Mom.
  
• find someone to go for a walk with me.
• go to Curves more regularly.
  
• spend some time ironing, while listening to my favourite music.
• read my new book, The Shack.
• spend more time blogging.
• plan some really easy but tasty meals from my Up Recipes for Down Times recipe booklet.
• play Ticket to Ride with my husband.
• shop for things we'll be donating to homeless people in town. (things that will make life on the street more bearable)
• journal my thoughts.
• email notes to my friends.
  
• read my Bible.
• pray and ask God to see me through, asking him to stay close and to help me remember that he loves me no matter what.