An act of worship

So much to talk to you about! Not simply about my troubles (as I've been doing far too much lately) but about things that give me joy.

I've been writing about the photography I've been doing and, during Pastor Don's sermon today, I was reminded of how photographing nature is very much an act of worship for me.

How I love capturing the beautiful things in nature! And especially when I know there will be people to share the results with. It's like a songwriter writing songs to sing for people and with people - praises to God - expressions of devotion to Him. I would like to be like David writing his psalms, only in photograph form.

And, when I can express and share my feelings through the photographs I make, all the better. All the more meaningful.

Look at how David expressed his myriad emotions with us in his psalms. How they bless us now! When I'm going through hard times, it's the psalms I go to for comfort. David understood. He went through the same things I experience, though his life and circumstances were a lot different.

Pastor Don's sermon today was about how we make use of our time. Such a great topic and such a great sermon!! I encourage you to listen to it in a few days when it goes online here.

One of the things Don covered was how to engage in a "holy waste of time". He said that three practices appear to be a "waste" of time but aren't really:
1. Observing the Sabbath
2. Worship
3. Daily personal time with God

What Don had to say so encouraged me. The project I've been telling you about - the work God seems to be leading me to - uses all of these. The time outdoors with my camera, appreciating what God has given us; the making of photographs to sing about the wonders I uncover; the time spent writing prayers to Him - prayers on behalf of others who might be experiencing pain...or joy.

Photographing in the snow

I did some photography in our snowy garden yesterday. What fun! It was raining - a kind of freezing rain - but I was dressed warm and cozy and nothing bothered me.

It was neat to photograph the hydrangea blossoms I had photographed in the fall, with snow instead of frost covering them. Don't think I did great though. I have dreadful tremors, especially in the early morning and that's not too great for holding a camera. Perhaps I should learn to use a tripod. I've done that before but find them a pain. So awkward! It really slows me down. And yet...it might be the only way I can get decent pictures.

How great it felt being out there though - in the fresh air, doing something creative!

The plans for the book I'd like to do are developing. I even did some writing for it last night and this morning. I'm finding my "voice." God is taking me on a wonderful adventure and I don't know where I'll end up. Isn't that how He likes to work?

Thankful on Friday

Just before going on holidays I agreed with my friend Nancie from More than Conquerors that I would try to take part in Thankful Thursdays - something many are doing - setting apart one day each week to truly focus on all I'm thankful for.

Now I'm back, and I've already missed a Thursday. That's because I was too busy doing something I'm thankful for to even think of blogging. So this week I will post my gratitude on Friday, one day late. Better than not at all, eh?

What I'm really thankful for is that God created us to be creative people. I've received such joy from doing photography again and I know it's something I mustn't let go. Yesterday I worked almost non-stop, preparing my pictures to show on a digital frame. I was selecting, cropping, adjusting, and re-sizing. I was so happy to see that there were a lot more good ones than I thought I'd have. I've still got it in me.

I like reading in Genesis how God created the earth and everything in it. I like reading how He saw "that it was good." And what joy that must have given Him. If creating a few images gives me joy, imagine how great His joy must have been!

I attributed my good mood while we were in Greece to the bright sunlight and to not having any stresses to worry about. But when I think of it, I think a lot of it was also the focusing on photography that made me feel so well. And I can see how I mustn't let it go so long again.

I want to photograph children again. I really need to set aside some time to do that. My play-time - my non-mental-health-work time.

I will continue posting some of the pictures I took in Greece. Simply because it's fun to share. What's the good of doing all that work if I'm going to hide it, eh?

The above picture is a street in one of the villages we visited. There was so much wonderful texture in the walls - so much old stuff. And many many cats.



To read more Thankful Thursday visit Iris.

Last blooms

I love the look of frost on flowers - on any kind of vegetation actually. These are the last flowers in our garden. The last bit of colour, except for the hollyberries on the holly tree. Winter is really here. It's cold and there's talk of snow in the forecast.

Although most photographers would frown on photographing such poor, half-dead specimens I find a kind of truth there that we shouldn't overlook. Why are people so afraid of focusing on the dying? There's a beauty there. It gives expression to something all of us go through. And if a picture like this expresses something real, something we go through occasionally, then it's just as important to photograph as perfection. I believe in the candid, the authentic, truth. I want real.

If you read my comments on my last post, you will already know that the conference was a wonderful success for me. I met many people, made many good connections, even doing a radio interview with a university radio broadcaster. This was definitely a good place for me - and for Living Room - to be.

I said to my pastor today, "I guess I had nothing to worry about, eh?" But on thinking about that, I wonder if I would have prayed as earnestly as I did if I hadn't been worried about it. The worrying helped me to prepare in every way I could.

I thank God for being with me, for giving me the confidence I had prayed for. I thank him for the oodles of support I received. The oodles of prayer.

Now it's time to focus on Christmas. So good to be feeling well this year. The past two or three years were very difficult for me at Christmas time. This year is different. I've had a few problems in the past few weeks, but I think they were probably situational - stress related to the conference and my husband being away. Now there's nothing holding me back from enjoying the season...as long as I take life one day at a time.

Creating with a purpose

I've almost finished all my photography projects for the open house coming up on October 25th. My next project is going to be baking for it. I'll start as soon as I have a spare hour or two (not in the next couple of days).

All this made me think...about something I've known for a long time: doing creative work is so much more fun when there's a reason for doing it, when there's a purpose for the work, a good purpose. And being a fundraiser for a church ministry gives it a very good purpose.

I don't normally bake much. Don't really enjoy it. It makes such a mess of the kitchen. But now, knowing what I'm doing it for, I'm eager to begin. Have started planning what recipes to use. I want to make lots of tarts, cookies and squares and freeze them. I've invited at least 100 people to the party and we'll need lots. I don't expect all the people I invited will come. Have no idea how many will, so I'll have to be prepared. There will be an exciting end purpose for all my preparations and that makes it fun. It energizes me.

And when I think of it, I would never have wanted to make all the cards and bookmarks if there were no reason for doing it. I would not have done all this work just because. So much more fun to have it all culminate in a big party with neighbours and friends from all the different facets of my life.

My 95 year old mother feels the same way. She has been crocheting baby afghans, one after another and only now that she has decided to donate them to the sale is she finding real joy in it. She now has a purpose for what she does. Everyone needs a reason for doing the things they do.

The party is less than two weeks away now. It's drawing closer every day. How I look forward to it!

This bookmark is one of the twenty or so designs I'll be selling.

A balancing act

Life is a balancing act, isn't it? Trying to find balance between work and play, solitude and being with others, quiet times and busy times. I've been working hard to find such a balance now-a-days.

My last holiday showed me how refreshing it is to have down times - times away from responsibilities, times to spend in a book or just quietly reflecting. I remember how depressed I was for so long, how hard it was to get motivated. Today I feel very motivated. I've once more got lots of irons in the fire. But I want to stay motivated and not become overwhelmed with it all. I want to make sure I take lots of down times to keep myself fresh as well.

As you know, I get up very early in the morning, so I do have some valuable down times then. Time to spend with my Bible and in prayer. Time to remember what's important to me and what I most need to spend my time doing.

My mental health work, especially Living Room, takes up most of my time and energy. This is what's most important to me. It's what I believe God made me to do. I also have a 95-year-old mother who needs my attention on a regular basis. I need to spend time with my husband. Then there's the household. And there are my friends. And my reading, so important for my growth. ...and then there's my blogging, something that I've unfortunately had to slow down on considerably.

I want to keep the refreshed feeling I had following my last holiday. This means that I will have to be careful not to get too busy and to keep some time for myself.

The last two weeks were very busy. To make up for it I'm trying to keep this week quiet. I need to do some creative work, something I had promised myself to make time for. I want to print some of the photos I took on our holiday. I also want to turn some of those photos into drawings. They might become Christmas presents. Christmas??? Uggh! Hate the thought.

Finding balance

A couple of years ago I decided to give up photography so that I could devote myself more fully to writing and other mental health related work. I believe that was a good thing. I was able to finish my book and have it published and Living Room has grown.

But lately I've realized that I need to find better balance in my life. Spending all one's time on mental health issues is not necessarily a good thing. I need to do something visually creative too. What really brought this home was when, at Christmas time, I found great comfort in the midst of my depression as I produced calendars for friends. It felt so good to make beautiful pictures again, using some images I had shot in years past.

So I have returned to doing the candid child photography I so love to do - something I have done for over thirty years now. I will make time to take on one or two clients a month.

My first job was a few weeks ago and I'll share a couple of the pictures I took. I was worried about my medication-induced tremors, but they proved not to be a big problem in getting good pictures. There were a few unsharp ones, but when using available light as I do, that's a common thing for every photographer. My psychiatrist and I have played around a bit with my meds and now I have much less problems with tremors. Thank God!

Weeds

Just wanted to share a couple of pictures I shot in the Chilcotin - taken during the few times I had my camera out. I like photographing weeds almost as much as I like garden flowers, especially when they seem to tell a story. My favorite here is the spent dandelion. I can relate.

Time to play

A few days ago - in one of my negative moods - I questioned whether it was worthwhile spending time on photography. I didn't think my work had much benefit for others. It seemed like such an insignificant thing to do when my whole focus had been to change the way society thinks about mental illness. My husband calls me a bore. I've had a one track mind too long I guess. Yet it was hard to get up the desire to play with photography again.

But over the past few days my feelings about this have been changing. A friend has asked me to hang some photos in her coffee shop, Pegster's on Lonsdale in North Vancouver. Today a friend and I went there for lunch and to check out the wall space. Although I'd been in the shop before, I hadn't been there during business hours. What a thriving place it is! And what a warm and friendly ambience! It occurred to me that by hanging my pictures there I would have an opportunity to contribute to that. My photography would be very worthwhile. I don't care if they don't sell or if I don't get business out of it. I'm not interested in that right now. I just want people to get enjoyment from my work.

I've decided to work on the theme of "We All Are Children." It would include mostly pictures of children, but also a few of older people. The wall space is small, only room for about five prints. But I plan to hang six large ones in one of the windows: three facing out and three facing in. The ones facing out could include pictures of children engaged in eating or drinking - fun shots, pictures that make you want to take a second look. I'll attach a couple here. The large ones facing inside could be of a more serious nature. The wall will include small but happy pictures.

So tonight I will play my music loud (thank goodness my husband is out) and I will play with pictures. Photography has the power to heal, as writing does. And I can always use some healing.

Waiting game

What Amateur Dancer said in her comment on my last post is true. I AM having to play a bit of a waiting game right now.
I saw my counselor yesterday and she told me that a big part of my problem right now is the fact that I have lost my clear focus, my big purpose - the book. It's presently on the shelf, waiting for a publisher to show interest. I feel disconnected from it. It is no longer a breathing entity in my life. It has been sewn up. I can no longer feed it or make it grow. It is a loss, she told me, that I will have to take some time to grieve over. She instructed me not to start on anything new for now, but just to come to terms with my feelings about all this.

Yet ideas are simmering on the back of the stove. I can't help feeling creative. I appreciated Dancer's and Dream Writer's suggestions to create a book of photographs. It is something I've worked toward in the past but not something I think I'd be able to find a publisher for. But perhaps I could self-publish, using a print-on-demand publisher. I'll see.

In the meantime, I would like to play with some of my photos by putting them online here. I've been away from photography for so long and it would be good to rekindle my interest in it.

Today there are so many things I would love to share here. I'm reading a good book by Erwin McManus called Soul Cravings: wonderful stuff about love and destiny. Some very insightful thinking on big topics. Today I could sit here and write post after post. I do need to work on another book or booklet, don't I? I've got to do something with all this stuff.

I'm not good at waiting.