Dealing with the shame

I talked to someone this morning who recently received a diagnosis of bipolar disorder. And, in talking to her, I was once more reminded of how ugly the stigma attached to mental illness is.

This person is afraid to tell anyone she knows, afraid they will think differently about her. She feels she needs to keep what she deals with a secret.

I feel so bad for her! Believing you have something to be ashamed of is terrible. And - as many have said - dealing with such shame can often be worse than the illness itself.

I just hope and pray that she will at some time have the courage to come out and be honest about the disorder she deals with. I pray that she will use it as an opportunity to educate the people she knows. To rid the world of stigma we need to educate people - tell them the truth about mental illness. With one in five people having a mental illness of some kind, it's important that the world be educated about it so that - hopefully - people will be in a better position to give support.

If only more people would speak out! It's starting to happen and that's good. But we need to make mental illness a part of everyday conversation, including - and especially - in church. It's so important to be able to openly tell your church family, without the need to feel ashamed.

Anger or depression?

A few days ago my counselor suggested that the mood problems I've been having - the apparent depressed episodes - might actually be anger. She may be right. There are lots of things bothering me and frustrating me now-a-days. But how do you tell the difference?

The very focus of my life's work, reducing stigma, is a frustrating problem. I know I will never win the war. And yet it is my hope that I will win some battles. It is my hope and prayer that at least a few will benefit and that a few more will learn and repent of the way they have been treating the topic of mental illness. It is my prayer that people will be educated and become more understanding and compassionate.

But yesterday the futility of my efforts came home to me by a comment a fellow writer made on my writing. In my article I had shown the importance of treating the whole person - physical, psychological, and spiritual. This person underlined "psychological" and wrote beside it "not scriptural."

Normally that wouldn't have hit me so hard. This person has written other things I should have been upset about but wasn't. But yesterday I also talked to a counselor in our writer's group who expressed how and why what I had undertaken was such a big job. And just hearing that overwhelmed me.

Now I have a general down mood. Call it depression, anger or frustration. Don't really know what it is. I just know I need a beer to settle me down. I know. Not good to self-medicate with alcohol. Yet I need to do "something" and I'm finding it hard to pray. Am I angry at God too? No, I don't think so. Just don't feel very close to Him at the moment.

And yet I need my God and long for Him.

Fund raising for mental health

The Globe and Mail newspaper had a wonderful article about how Michael Kirby, the first chair of the Mental Health Commission of Canada, would like to start an organization for mental health similar to the Canadian Cancer Society. Volunteers would raise moneys for research in the same way they do for cancer. There could be mental health walks. This would not only raise money, it would raise awareness.

I'm so happy about this. It's exciting. I've felt something like this has been needed for a long time. We are fortunate to have someone of Michael Kirby's calibre take an interest in mental health issues.

There was a time - not so long ago - that there was a stigma surrounding cancer as well. People avoided talking about it. Those who had cancer tended to keep it a secret, suffering in silence. I'm sure we will be able to reduce the stigma attached to mental illnesses as well. We might not be able to remove it, but there is huge room for better attitudes to those of us who suffer from it.

My church is an example of a place that is learning to accept those with mental illness. As I've been going through my recent trials, I've had much support. People don't avoid me. They ask how I'm doing. I get hugs. If only this could happen in all churches!

I felt crummy waking up this morning. But I took my shower early and I have a list of things to do today - all little things. I know that working on those and ticking them off as I accomplish them I will start feeling better. One of the first things I'll do is go to Curves for a much needed workout.

Hope you're all well and looking forward to the day.

Christian condemnation

This morning someone going by the name Warrior Princess left a comment on an article I have online right now at canadianchristianity.com. The piece tries to show how mental illnesses are illnesses like any other - diabetes, heart disease, etc. etc. I was trying to educate, to eradicate the stigma.

I think that most Christians are starting to realize that being mentally ill does not mean that there is something spiritually wrong with you. Yet there are still many who totally misunderstand and believe that to be mentally ill is to be possessed by Satan.

There are varying degrees of this kind of thinking. Warrior Princess's views are at the extreme end. Her attack of people with mental illness is a scathing one. It shocked me and I'm trying to find the best way to reply, praying that I'll be able to speak to her in love, and not with the kind of fighting attitude she has.

Eradicating stigma is a fight, but as Christians we need to use love as our weapon of choice, not attacking with cutting words that will hurt. Even when people hurt us, we should try not to hurt back. After all, as followers of Christ we should treat others with love, even our enemies. And this person I'm talking about is, after all, a fellow Christian - a sister-in-Christ.

A couple of days ago someone who has for a long time been suffering from depression and anxiety wrote to me, saying "I feel so condemned by the Christian community because everything I am is what you are not supposed to be as a Christian."

This person is hurting terribly from the symptoms of her disease. Yet the condemnation she feels from fellow Christians hurts almost more than those symptoms. We need to educate Christians so that they will more fully understand the medical nature of mental illnesses. This is so very important if we want to lovingly encourage hurting people in their faith.

I needed to share this you, in preparation for my reply. Please pray that understanding will grow. Please pray that people will open their minds enough so that we can educate them.

Misconceptions - UGGH!!!

Canadian Christianity has another excerpt from A Firm Place to Stand up. The title is Misconceptions and in it I outline the problem many Christians have, spiritualizing mental health problems like depression. I spell it out really well.

But, lo and behold, someone comments - compassionately enough - but totally NOT getting it. She writes, "Surely, it is spiritual if you break it down to the very root cause....Perhaps a multi action plan would be of use. Spiritual instruction, positive confession, meds and human support."

This is the kind of stigma that exists amongst many Christians. This is the reason many people with mental illness feel judged when they go to church. This is the reason many stop going to church and end up receiving no encouragement in their faith.

I feel so frustrated. Here I spell it out so carefully and it has done no good. I feel I need to return a comment of my own and will eventually do that. First I need to cool down and talk with my two close friends. And - wouldn't you know it - they're not home. And I need them.

I'm just glad I have you out there, my blogging pals. And please, if you feel as I do about this, please write your own comment on that article. I would very much appreciate it. A lot of people read that website and many of them truly don't understand. They need to be educated. Can you help do that?

I feel angry at the stigma, not at the lady who shows the lack of understanding. And I feel even more determined to bust that stigma. Will you help me?

A "Living Room" testimony

I was delighted today to receive an email from one of our Living Room support group members which she had sent to a bunch of her friends. I'll share a portion of it here:

"When I told her (a friend) about my support group for mood disorders and what a blessing it was, she asked ('and don't be offended,' she added) 'isn't that depressing to be around a bunch of crazy people?' I said, 'No way, it's a safe place to support each other in our common brokenness and to realize you're not the only one to feel this way. In that setting, I've learned that it's an invisible disease but not any different than diabetes is and to dispel the stigma and shame that's associated with mental illness. I'm learning that my condition is not a curse but could be a blessing. In my lows I get a sense of what emotional pain people can go through (especially my dad). When I'm manic I get so much accomplished and feel so inspired and creative.'

"Interesting to know that our facilitator marja bergen wrote on the same subject on her blog that I read the day before: learning to empathize with people who are so in the dark about the subject and to try to understand where they're coming from - not to be easily offended as we're trying to get them to understand us - basically having grace towards them, as others have extended grace to us.

"I encouraged (my friend) to google bp to find out more and to check out marja's blog. I think that marja's desire to dispel the stigma of our disease is rubbing off on me. In my small way I'm trying to educate others that I come across and it's amazing how when you share your vulnerabilities people often open up about themselves and about the people that are close to them that suffer from mental illness."

I am grateful to this person for sharing this with her friends, and now with my blogging pals. You have encouraged me, J.

A reminder: If you are interested in learning how to set up a faith-based Living Room support group in your church, I have manuals available to help you do this. Cost for US residents is $9.75 and for those in Canada it's $8.25. This includes postage and handling. Contact me at info@candidsbymarja.com.