Feeling like doing

I've been trying to focus on doing rather than focusing on my mood but I'm finding the two are so linked it's almost impossible to separate the two.

Today I have a fairly long to-do list. Actually, it's not really that long, but it feels long because I'm rather down. I know I need to whittle it down a bit if I'm going to encourage myself to feel better. And I need to build in some time for things I really enjoy. That would make me feel better too. I need to spend some time with people. That would also make me feel better.

I feel like doing something creative. I have a need for that right now. Yet my chores are getting in the way. That makes me feel a bit frustrated - trapped. When I accomplish something creative I feel better.

I emailed a couple of friends yesterday, telling them about some of my feelings - focusing on feelings. It made me feel better. They are good friends. I know they love me. I am grateful for their love. Being grateful makes me feel better.

I'm constantly aware of my feelings as I work and play. Can't escape it.

Bipolar Wellness Writer says she focuses on wellness. I think I do too. We need to have a positive outlook. But wellness is also a state of mind for a person with a mental disorder. And when you look for wellness and don't find it you feel bad.

Perhaps focusing on hope is the important thing - hope that the feelings you experience will ultimately be good for something - hope that they will help make a better person out of you - hope that you can learn from your struggles and help others somehow.

I don't know whether all this makes sense. I must sound like a nut case here.

But I AM doing. And I AM feeling better. And I AM grateful.

Doing before feeling

It occurred to me this morning that perhaps I spend too much time trying to assess how I feel. I might feel a lot better if I just went about my work and play without thinking about my mood. As I get active my mood will fall into place wherever it will.

I think I've spent too much time over the past couple of years in a relatively high mood. Now all appears gray, because I have a hard time feeling the happiness I've grown accustomed to. And this lack of happiness is making me feel down. I'm not satisfied with this -what might very well be - normal state. And I'm focussing on the mood, rather than just living.

But this seems to become so much a part of our bipolar existence - this thinking about how we're feeling. Surely this isn't a "normal" way to live. Do "normal" people wake up in the morning and think to themselves, Now how do I feel? Am I up or am I down? Don't "normal" people just get up and start thinking of their plans for the day?

Is it healthy to always be so introspective and focus on our feelings?