Friday, May 07, 2010

The good in rapid cycling


You know, I'd rather be into rapid cycling than in a solid depression, as I was at this time last year. The lows I go through now only last a few hours. The depression only got alarmingly low one day. That was followed by a high the next day, after some prayer time with a friend. Most of the time the low mood is just an unmotivated feeling. And yet, even though I know now that it won't last long, the feeling of hopelessness still crops up. When I get low I still can't imagine feeling good again. And when I feel good, as I do this morning, I can't imagine returning to a low.

Now that I know I can expect to rapid cycle for a while longer until I stabilize, I'm learning that I need to take advantage of my good moods. I need to use those good times to get things done around the house. That's when I need to make the more complicated meals, leaving the simple stuff from Costco for the low times.

Over these past few months of rapid cycling I've had some spiritually inspired times and I've had some very creative times. I've been able to offer support in - what is perhaps - a more sympathetic way than usual. After all, depression is never far from me. I well know how it feels. And the creative work has been such a blessing. I find comfort in it. I'm consoled by it. And the bookmarks are finding their way to people who need to hear the messages they convey.

Yes, even during times of such instability, I have a lot to be thankful for, don't I?

This morning I awoke at 4:30 in an up mood. By 7:00 I had cleaned up a very messy kitchen, something that I hadn't been able to motivate myself to do for days. Then I sat outside in the sun for awhile, searching for a Bible verse I wanted to use for my next bookmark. A wonderful time that was. Don't the birds sing beautifully in the spring? Now I've looked through some pictures, searching for a slide I have in mind that I want to marry with that verse. In the process I found a lot of other pictures that would make good bookmarks.

I'm including one of my recent bookmarks here. The subject is Cosmos, one of my favourite flowers. It felt good to express the way I feel about that flower in this way.

8 comments:

More Than Conquerors said...

Dear Marja,

I love your bookmark, as usual! You are truly creative. The flowers are so beautiful. So glad that you are managing your condition better and able to get some work done. That is so wonderful. Thank God for sustaining and strengthening you. Take care and have a very blessed weekend and Lord's day.

Love,
Nancie

marja said...

Thank you, Nancie,

Hope you too have a wonderful weekend.

Love,
marja

Laura Peroni said...

Dear Marja, I also have rapid cycling I am a littla bit depressed now my Father in Low died 2 days ago. I don't have a proper activity and I depend so much on my husband and he needs me too. What can I do?
I will wait to your answer.
Laura

marja said...

Hi Laura,

I'm sorry for your loss. Yes, having something like that happen would certainly affect you, even if you weren't bipolar. But when you're bipolar it can be more than just grief that you suffer.

It would be good if you could do something with your husband, like going for walks with him and using those for opportunities to talk about what your father-in-law meant to each of you.

When I have depression I read the Psalms and they often comfort me. David went through a lot of depression as well, but he always ended up at the end of his Psalms turning to God and praising Him. Do you think you can do that? Do you think you could remember that God is with you through the valleys of depression in the same way He is when you on the high mountain top? Because He is, you know. Please trust that He is with you and that He understands your pain and wants to comfort you.

I hope that helps, Laura.

Love and prayers,
marja

Spin Original said...

Hi Marja!

Your bookmark is very nice!

Just thought I'd check in a say "Hello" - it's been a while.

Love to you.

marja said...

Hey Spin!

Good to hear from you. Sorry I haven't been around much to visit.

Love you too.
marja

More Than Conquerors said...

Dear Marja,

Just stopping by to say "hello" and wishing you a very blessed weekend and Lord's day. Take care and God bless you and family. Keeping you in prayers.

Warm regards,
Nancie

marja said...

Dear Nancie,

Thank you for your thoughts, well wishes and prayers. I stopped by your blog too yesterday, though I didn't leave a comment. Hope to later today.

Take care.
marja