Wednesday, May 05, 2010

So that's what's happening!!

I saw my pdoc today and he told me that I'm rapid cycling. So that's it! The moods I've been experiencing lately have not been normal for me. I'm usually much more stable, much more able to cope.

I'm feeling fine right now though. As long as I have the opportunity to work on my creative projects.

But tomorrow I will undergo a medication increase. More anti-depressant and more anti-psychotic. And we'll hope and pray that this will do the trick and get me back to a more level me.

It's just a relief to know that this is not the regular me. That the way I have been is not the way I always have to be. A relief to know that all the complaining I've felt kind of ashamed of airing was not unfounded.

In the meantime I'm having fun designing the calendar. A fair amount of work, but I think it will be worth it when it's done. Beautiful glossy two-sided paper. Beautiful colour. Yes!!!

Hope you all are doing okay as well. I'd be rather happy if you sent a comment - complaining if it's what you want to do. Then I wouldn't have to feel so alone. Not that I'm really alone. It's just that I don't want to be the only one always complaining.

10 comments:

Coco said...

Oh dear, sweet Marja. I hate that you go through what you do, but I kind of love it when you complain. It makes me feel less alone too. Sorry I don't comment more often, but I always read your posts and empathize with you. And I NEVER think, oh there's Marja complaining again. It is what it is, and we need each others support. And there is no way of telling if someone needs support than to talk about it. I really hope this medication increase will do the trick for you. And thank goodness for an explanation eh?!

marja said...

Dear Coco,

I'm so glad you don't mind my complaining. And yes, I am so glad to have an explanation. To realize that what I've been experiencing is not normal. To know that perhaps the meds will help.

Wendy Love said...

Marja,
So glad you have found an answer to your latest challenge. Don't you love it when there is actually something that can be done about it?
I am in a differenet position. I have had to stop taking meds altogether. I experience side effects from just about everything.
The non-meds state is both good and bad. I can now differentiate some of my symptoms. There were some I was blaming on the medication that I still have so now I realize that those symptoms are part of me and this illness. Even on meds I have had to put most of my time and energy into managing this illness and so I often wondered if the meds made enough difference. Strangely enough I am no worse off, for now, without the meds. But oh if there was one that worked for me I would take it willingly! In the meantime I have to do all of those things that I write about so it forces me to live where preach! I am my own guinea pig in the testing of strategies! Those calendars sound wonderful!

Anonymous said...

Marja!

I had a strong feeling that's what was going on for a while and that's why I encouraged you to go to the Dr. I have it too and meds need to be adjusted as symptoms persist. I don't take an anti-depressant though as it can make me manic/cycle more. I take lamotrigine instead (you can read up on it). I've just come out of a very long "mixed episode" and actually feel normal which I'm quite enjoying!

Please feel free to contact me anytime. When you get back from your trip we HAVE to get together!!

Kathy

marja said...

Hi Wendy,

That's interesting that you don't feel you're any worse off without the meds. I'd be so scared of going without. Memories of where my mind has gone - the psychosis, the paranoia. I don't ever want to go back there and feel my meds are protecting me.

Are you bipolar 1 or 2? I'm bipolar type 1 and that might make a difference.

marja said...

Hi Kathy,

Yup, that's what was happening. I always thought rapid cycling was what happened to other people - not to me :}

Oh to feel normal again!! This morning I was down again and it took all I had - all the strategies I could employ (sitting in the sunshine, talking to a friend, pushing myself out the door to do some shopping) to recover a bit.

Oh, and yes: I made another bookmark which makes me so happy.

Yes, we WILL get together.

marja

BALI said...

hello! how are you?
warm greeting from Bali ^^!
keep up the good mood...

marja said...

Bali,

Welcome to my blog. And thank you very much for the well wishes.
It is 4:30 here in Vancouver right now. Just got up and feel GOOD. Praise God, eh?

More Than Conquerors said...

Dear Marja,

Thank God that you found out what's happening. It's such a relief! Bipolar has so many spectrum and it is really not easy at times to differentiate between reality and the symptoms of our illness. But thank God that He is in control and He works His ways for us. Your experience and sharing will surely help others who may struggle along the same path.

So glad you are enjoying the designing of calendar. I love to do so too and mine are definitely more simpler than yours :) I truly love your bookmarks very much and am sure your calendars will be blessings to all who receive them.

Take care and have a blessed weekend!

With love and prayers,
Nancie

marja said...

Hi Nancie,

Yes, so many facets to bipolar, eh? Makes you wonder why there isn't more research being done - it's so interesting :} Yes, I do thank God. Through all this, I'm finding myself in a very creative mood, especially when I'm up. That comforts me and helps me cope.

Love - marja