Monday, June 13, 2011


At Living Room last Friday, someone brought up how self-consumed she always felt - both when she was depressed and when she was high. And it's so true. We do tend to be that way, don't we, though we don't want to be? It just seems to be part of bipolar disorder. One of the symptoms. All we can think of is our pain. Or, in the case of mania, our grandiose plans. So drawn within we become! Can we learn to control this tendency?

My husband and friends often tell me that they think I'm too consumed with Living Room work. Sometimes that's all I know to talk about. A case of hypomania perhaps? Other times I'm withdrawn, only able to think of how I have failed, of how I'm unworthy. Wrapped up in my emotional pain. All I want to do is sit and putter at little things, endlessly doing sudoku puzzles. Can't reach outside myself to even clean up a messy kitchen. So hard to reach outside myself!

Is this tendency something we can avoid and then not become depressed? From my experience this seems hard to believe. I'm always reaching outside myself, trying to think of others. But is it enough? Maybe I'm spending too much quiet time - too much thinking time - too much analyzing time, as my friend often tells me.

Rudyard Kipling, in his poem "IF" said, "Think, but don't make thoughts your aim." How I've had to remind myself of that over the years! And - being the writer and philosophying person I am - I do spend a lot of time thinking. But that's not all bad, is it? Yet I need to balance the thinking time with doing time.

Today - and once in a while in previous days - I've felt on the verge of depression. Can I ward it off by reaching outside myself? Is it possible?


M. Caron said...

Dearest Marja, Thank you so very much for stopping by my blog at! Your words blessed me beyond what I can possibly express in words. I am so grateful to you for taking the time to write what you did. You are beautiful and your work is outstanding. I will be following your blog as soon as I can figure out how to sign up for it. I hope that you find this comment and that it finds you well and prospering today. We are not alone, God is with us! Thank you for reminding me of that. You are the best and I look forward to being in touch with you! Love, M. Caron

marja said...

Dear M.

Thank you so much for your kind words. My words might have blessed you, but sending words like that to others blesses ME just as much, I believe. I believe it's the work of the Holy Spirit working through me. It's not me, speaking on my own.

So glad I was able to help.


Nancie said...

Dear Marja,

I can fully identify with your experiences. It is wonderful that you can help others at Living Room. This is a mission which makes your suffering purposeful. I am thankful for how God is using you there.

I am praying for you. Hope you are feeling better and able to ward off the depression. Keep reaching out to others and take time to rest whenever necessary. I am learning to pace myself too and it is always a challenge :)

Hope you have a restful and peaceful Lord's day and weekend.

Praying for you,

marja said...

Thank you so much for dropping by, Nancie. And thank you for the prayers. I'm not doing badly today, maybe because I've been working on pictures and that always gives me joy. We need to be vigilant, don't we? We need tp do the things that are good for us. And we need to take out time to spend with God.

Love, marja

Anonymous said...

Hi! Just found this blog. I found it is true that I, too, always seem to be consumed either with my high's or my low's. I often wonder if I am just a selfish sinner. I do reach out but mainly only to a few friends and my family. I am so grateful to have found this post. So thank you. I will try to log on regularly. Love, Crystal

marja said...

Welcome to my blog, Crystal. I'm happy this post spoke to you. Happy you found me. Do drop in again. OK?