Saturday, December 16, 2006

Trying to move

I wouldn't normally sit down to write another post so soon, but feel I must do something to rid me of mulling so much within my head. I got up at my usual time, 6:30, and did nothing by ruminate until 10. I know what I need to do right now is to get moving or I'll get sucked down into a depression. This writing to you is one step towards actually doing something.

I quoted Corrie ten Boom a few posts ago: "If you look at the world, you'll be distressed. If you look within, you'll be depressed. But if you look at Christ, you'll be at rest!" But even looking at Christ can make you depressed if you do nothing about it. Yesterday I was so proud of myself - proud of how I was looking at Christ, even though I felt so close to tears. I started feeling ugly about that pride. Woke up in the middle of the night and had to tell God I felt ashamed - that it's only He who can help me through this - only He who can help my heart be where it needs to be.

And no matter where we look, or where our thoughts go - whether to the world, within, or to Christ - what good is any of it if we don't live actively? Rudyard Kipling, in his poem, If, said "If you can think but not make thoughts your aim." I have to keep reminding myself of that and move my body to do the things that need to be done. If I don't I will bring on paralysis.

So I'm going to leave this posting and get started on making the dessert I have to bring to a family dinner tomorrow. If there's anyone out there who can relate to this and who feels the same, I challenge you, too, to regain control by working on something. We can compare notes and encourage each other.

Today I will play my favorite Christmas music, work, and reward myself with brief moments of reflection - but only brief ones.

And I want to send my love to all of you who read this and can relate.


steve g said...

I can relate to many of your posts and thank you for your honest and candid thoughts. God seems to be able to use even(or espescially) the stuff ups in our lives to His glory. Our fragile humanity we all try to shrink from. I don't know what more to say other than thanks. I am encouraged and challenged by your gritty determination to be faithful to your calling.

steve g said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Anonymous said...

tonight we have to go to church and take something with us so rather than sitting and watvching tv we are responding to blogs and making some food so we are with you on that :)

bipolar_girl said...

I can soo relate to your topic, Marja. take care

Bleeding Heart said...

I've been moving, but it is not is making me worse...more aggravated, frustrated, annoyed...overwhelmed!!!

And I am relaxing, too! I was home all day yesterday (Sunday) and watched Christmas Movies with my son snuggled under blankets on the couch with him with a bowl of popcorn...just relaxing.

I still feel so down, but to be honest...I have a personal reason...A Trigger! Something so personal that I cannot discuss it!

But, that is not the only is the holiday blues, I guess...

And even though I don't talk about God (I feel it is a personal thing)..I do believe, I am spiritual, Religious, and I do have faith - and with all this - it is not helping.

There is no cure for this illness. NONE! Treatable to a degree... but no cure!

marja said...

Dream Writer: You're right. There is no cure, but there is treatment. When things don't let up after trying everything, we need to go to the doctor and get help.
I still think that doing things - a little at a time - is better than not.
Being with friends you enjoy being around helps as well, as I found out yesterday.

numnum: Thank you for visiting. You're right. The "stuff" is not as bad as I made it out to be in a previous post. I so enjoy sitting in our decorated living room, watching Christmas movies on tv while munching on Christmas goodies.

Thank you, jumpinginpuddles and bipolar girl as well for your comments. Happy days to you.

Anonymous said...

You are so well read, everytime I read your blogs I think I'm reading an exerpt from a poetry book. I mean it!
Anyways, I can totally relate with you right now. If you have been able to read my last few blogs, you'll see that my mind has been 'ruminating' a lot as well. I hope and pray that God lifts the veil of depression that may be casting down upon you at the moment. I know you;ll get through are one of the most motivated/motivating people I know.
Love you,

Anonymous said...

hi marja,
have not been able to log on since google took over some time ago. You may or may not remember me. My daughter who was diag. BP seems to be fine now. She has three healthy v happy children and has not had any probs. for several years(5).
How is the girl from Brazil?

Firefighter Steve

marja said...

Hi Steve, Thanks for visiting. It's been a long time. I haven't heard from her in a long while.