Where is God calling?

At the bottom of my emails is a quote I get something out of each time I read it. Always something else. Always new and different, depending on where I am in my life. And my life - like everyone's life - is forever changing. Always something different to focus attention on. Always different things happening. Some troublesome stuff; some good stuff. Joyful times and sad times.

But I'd better get to the quote. I want to share it with you and see how it might affect you in your life:

"The place God calls you to is the place where your
deep gladness and the world's deep hunger meet."
- Frederick Buechner

Over the past few years God has called me to different places, each of them exciting and wonderful. Each of them a challenge. Each of them doing good in some way. Each of them bringing me to a place that straddled my joy and the need I saw in the world. It was always a narrow place to be - a narrow part of the road God took me on. Always a narrow focus to address some very particular needs.

I wrote a book called A Firm Place to Stand in an effort to help Christian readers (both those who have mood disorders and those who need to understand them) realize that it's possible to have a mental illness, yet maintain a close relationship with God. And - in spite of having a severe mental disorder - to actually find some meaning through the living with it.

And I started Living Room, a Christian peer support ministry for people with mood disorders. It started with a group that met in my church's basement and has now grown to ten groups in Canada. I'm sure though, that there are many more groups than this, judging by the many who have ordered manuals and down-loaded them off the Living Room website.

Now, at this point of my life when I'm reaching 65, I feel God nudging me again. Nudging me to make changes in what I do with my life. I feel nudged to return to my photography. I'm a child photographer at heart and long to spend more time using this gift God has given me. I've never mentioned my photography website here but would like to invite you to have a peek at an old site that I have up. Just to share with you this joyous part of me. Please do have a look at www.candidsbymarja.com.

And so I'm praying: "Where next, dear Lord? Where should I spend my next few years? How can I best serve you at this stage of my life? Where are You calling?"

And...what does Buechner's quote say to you. Where is God calling you today?

Bedrock under my feet

Darn! I just saw my GP and there's nothing physically wrong with me. This excessive sleeping I've been doing is "all in my head" - due to depression. My sleeping pattern has been weird lately, symptomatic of depression. I wake up at four or five (six is normal for me) and don't go back to sleep - till the middle of the day, and then I feel like I want to nap all the time.

The sleeping, and the result - not accomplishing anything - is depressing. Or is it the other way around? Is it that I don't feel like doing anything, feel depressed, so escape by sleeping?

And yet I have some good times thrown in there as well. I'm really trying to line up things for myself to do, things that I might find stimulating. And yet it is too often hard to motivate myself.

I feel best when I'm around people. Had a wonderful time at church on Sunday. That morning set the tone for the rest of the day and my husband and I went for an outing, the kind of outing we used to take when we were younger. It was a good Father's Day for him.

A friend told me how wonderful Psalm 18 is, especially in The Message. When I went to it I was especially taken with the very first verse. I've had my Bible open to it ever since and look at it often. It encourages me to trust in God - to trust that He will give me a "firm place to stand."

"I love you, God - you make me strong. God is the bedrock under my feet."

Dropping in

Hi everyone. I just thought I should drop in and let you know I'm still alive. We had a wonderful holiday. I did a lot of reading. What a treat it was to be able to do that without distractions!

I came home to a huge amount of phone calls and emails to respond to. A pleasure to do, but leaving very little time for blogging. My blogging has been getting as bad and sporadic as my Curves workouts. So much to do. And, when I do have some time, I just want to retreat to my favourite chair with my journal and a cup of coffee. Or I take some time to play Ticket to Ride with my husband. I don't like to blog or work out when I have to cram it into my schedule. It's all part of taking care of myself.

I did check in on a couple of you. Found out that Jena is out of hospital (Yes!!). And that Merelyme left a beautiful message about me on her blog. (Thank you so much for the affirmation, Merelyme.)

Perhaps after Living Room today, I'll be able to take a bit more time to check on you all and to read what you've been up to and how you've been. I will try.

I'm faring well, in spite of the huge busyness of promoting A Firm Place to Stand. But it's work I love to do and work I believe in - happy work. I'm just very grateful God has given me this purpose to live for.

FYI, canadianchristianity.com has re-published an article I wrote last year. I was thrilled to have received an award for that article and am happy they have chosen to run it again.

Must go now and gather things together for my Living Room meeting.

A burning desire

A few days ago I was feeling anxious about the publication of my new book, A Firm Place to Stand: Finding Meaning in a Life with Bipolar Disorder. This morning I'm feeling eager. Can't wait to get it out there and to share all that I poured into that book.

I want to share here a couple of bits from the introduction, just to let you know why I wrote this. And, to be honest, to encourage you to look forward to the book as well.

"I have a burning desire to tell you my story. I long to tell you what I have learned from living with bipolar disorder* for four decades. I want to help others understand what it’s like to have severe mental health difficulties. I want to help you, and all those who read my story, to learn from the hardships – and the joys – I have known.

I’ve come a long way. As a young girl I was shy and withdrawn, afraid to say much in school. Now I speak out on mental health issues. Some even call me an activist. Today I am bubbling over with a lifetime of thoughts and experiences I want to tell you about.

Bipolar disorder (also called manic depression) is a difficult diagnosis to accept, but a rich and productive life is possible, much more so today than in the past. If you have been diagnosed with bipolar disorder, I hope this book will encourage you, with the help of God, to find a better life for yourself."

Unfortunately, I have to miss Living Room today. I have to go to my husband's aunt's funeral. I hate missing, but I know the meeting is in good hands. Janice will do the devotional and there's lots of good help. What a blessing to know I can count on things carrying on, even when I'm not there.

Hope you all have a great day.

(I'm sorry for the weird fonts here. Couldn't make them do what I wanted them to do.)

Sorry for the absence

Hi everyone. I'm sorry I've been away from blogging for so long. I feel guilty about it - I really do. We were away for three days and the rest of the time my life has just been too complex to focus on writing something. I'm sure it wouldn't be too complex for the average person; I'm sure it's just me.

There are many things I'd like to share here. Have been reading some very good things in Philip Yancey's Prayer. Perhaps tomorrow.

My new book, A Firm Place to Stand, should be out within two months and I'm getting nervous. What if I overlooked something and left in some terrible, embarrassing errors? I just have a very uneasy feeling about it. For you who've had books published: Is that a normal way to be feeling?

And then there's all the stuff that will go with the publication: interviews (I hope), public speaking engagements (I hope), book signings (hoping I can do something about my dreadful tremors). But all of this is terribly stressful stuff, isn't it? I hope my moods will co-operate. I'm starting to feel stressed right now - this minute - just thinking about it.

I know, though, that there's only one way to deal with this: Remember that this is God's work I'm doing, and not mine at all. I'm only a footsoldier. He's doing the big job. All I have to do is put myself in his hands and trust him to lead me where I should go - do what he gives me to do, one little thing at a time. I need to pray.

Just so glad to be back writing here again. Thank you all for visiting.

The pain of stigma in the church

I haven't thought for a while about stigma within the church. My life has been pretty insulated. I don't feel the effects of such stigma. But every once in a while I hear a story that gets my blood boiling. It's not simple anger I feel, though. It's more like pain.

Someone who used to come to Living Room but can't anymore, told me how much the group had meant to her. Our support group had helped make her well. She is so enthusiastic about Living Room that she had decided to start a group of her own in another part of town. But what has been holding her back is that she finds it hard to get established or feel good in a church. And Living Room needs a church to sponsor the program.

This friend has painful memories of how her husband, who suffers from severe anxiety, was treated in the past at a church he attended with her. Members of the church tried exorcising his "demons" and told him he had no faith. I sense the pain she feels about not feeling she can get involved in a regular church. She has been hurt so much! So many have experienced similar rejection and judgement. The people who most need a place to experience God's love are all too often shunned.

At our Living Room meeting on Friday a lady told us about being at church with her daughter. When she explained to someone that her daughter had schizophrenia, the person replied, "It's a demon that causes that, you know." He said that with the daughter standing right beside them.

This ignorance causes such a lot of pain! When are people going to understand the medical truth about mental disorders? When will this attitude change? People who struggle with mental health issues need to be embraced by the church and given full support and love, following Christ's example.

There's nothing as painful to people who love God to be told they have a demon or that it's their lack of faith that's making them sick. This is a tragic situation that we simply can't allow to continue. This is an attitude we need to fight with everything we've got. We need to write and speak about this in such a way that people will listen.

This is what started me writing my latest book, A Firm Place to Stand. It will be published in two months or so and I pray that it will help educate Christians and help them to be compassionate rather than judgemental. Please, God, let it make a difference.