Me too

I'm so very excited I don't know what to do with myself. Just want to pour out all the good stuff I read in a book, stuff that really spoke to me of things I know but have never seen the words for written in such a powerful way. I want to write about these things, talk about them, act on them. And I really don't think I'm manic, or even hypomanic...I don't think. It's just so neat to see your feelings focussed into such great thoughts.

The book is Jesus Wants to Save Christians by Rob Bell and Don Golden. It's about what Jesus intended the church to be and how many have lost their way.

The authors quote Anne Lamott who said that the most powerful sermon in the world is two words: "Me too."

They they go on to say:

Me too.

When you are struggling,
when you are hurting,
wounded, limping, doubting,
questioning, barely hanging on,
moments away from another relapse,
and somebody can identify with you -
someone knows the temptations that are at your door,
somebody has felt the pain you are feeling,
when someone can look you in the eyes and say, 'Me too,'
and they actually mean it -
it can save you.

When you aren't judged,
or lectured,
or looked down upon,
but somebody demonstrates that they get it,
that they know what it's like,
that you aren't alone,
that's 'me too.'

I was so excited about this because that's exactly the way Living Room is. That's what makes our group work. That's what's so healing about it. That's what makes us like a church - like church should be for everyone. Only church isn't always like that. Too often people are judged, looked down on, shunned. If only all Christians could learn - when they meet someone who is different - someone who has bipolar disorder or schizophrenia - to listen to them and try to understand them. If they could only enter into their suffering when they suffer...and then rejoice with them when they rejoice. Isn't that what Christian love is supposed to be all about?

Agape love at Living Room

I've been blogging so little. I'm sorry about that, but I've been finding myself expressing my thoughts in emails to friends and that seems to be sufficient. Nevertheless I should share some things here once in a while and I know I should visit you once in awhile too. And once in a while I will.

We had a Living Room meeting yesterday and the meeting left me with the wonderful deep joy I so often feel after.

I will copy here part of an email I sent to my pastor afterwards:

"Tonight I'm getting to the end of the book Helen (my friend) lent me: Mark Buchanan's Hidden in Plain Sight. The second part of the book focuses on 1 Peter 1:5-7, discussing the meaning and significance of goodness, knowledge, self-control, perseverance, godliness, brotherly kindness, and love (agape love). I'm presently starting to read about love.

Buchanan quotes G.K. Chesterton talking about "Beauty and the Beast": "Unlovely things must be deeply loved before they become lovable." in the way Christ loves us: "While we were yet sinners, Christ died for us."

And I think of how much I love my Living Room people and how even the most seemingly unlovable become so very lovable. And in a strange way I come to love the seemingly unlovable even more than those who might seem more easy to love. Does that make sense? I thank God for giving me that love to love with. Such joy it brings with it! The love of God is very present at Living Room. His presence is there and we are free to come before him the way we are - totally open, not needing to hide anything - no guilt or shame. At Living Room everyone becomes lovable. What a beautiful thing!"

At Living Room yesterday we talked about how to find meaning in life, though we might be disabled - not able to work. Towards the end I suggested starting the day with the following prayer: "God, please fill me with your love and help me to share that love with others." I believe that when we pray that prayer with sincerity and believe God can answer it, we will sense God's love and share that love and we will find our life becoming meaningful.

I hope and pray you will have a day filled with meaning and love today.

Giving support

Earlier this week Susan of Bipolar Wellness wrote about the importance of wanting wellness if we want to be well. "As far as I am concerned, the most critical component of achieving wellness is wanting it....Wellness doesn't occur in a vacuum. Whether you believe that bipolarity and/or clinical depression is a biochemical condition--or not--the only way to achieve wellness is to be willing to ask the difficult questions, and live a life that matters."

I wrote a comment expressing my frustrations with someone I'm giving support to who doesn't seem to want that wellness. At least she doesn't pursue it as I wish she would. I wondered at what point I should back off. Susan followed her initial post with one she titles When to Let Go. Susan talks about her feelings on the issue: "So, I guess my answer is that I believe the woman you're talking about needs to find professional help. And she needs to "step up to the plate" so to speak. If you continue to allow her to "take" from you, you'll have nothing left. And if she decides that life isn't living, ultimately that's her decision."

But, when I think back to what I felt like when I was depressed, and how difficult it was to be well, and how important it was for me to have the people I loved not give up on me, I can't see myself giving up on others. Perhaps backing off a bit and not staying too close is good for my own health, but I feel I need to stay available.

In his book, New Light on Depression, Harold Koenig wrote some things that I have taken to heart. He wrote: "Love - unconditional love - is the ultimate long-term antidote for depression, for at its core love is connected with faith and hope."

I feel that we need to always remind people they are loved and not withdraw that love from people when they're going through hard times. One of the most important things a person with depression needs is to know that there's someone always available. Knowing that someone is available who understands - because she's been there herself - is invaluable.

Since starting Living Room, I've given support to quite a few people. While it isn't easy, it can be rewarding too. Though I walk with them through their valleys, I also experience with them the relief when they climb out again. When they call me and spend some time expressing their feelings to me and I have no answers, we can always turn to God at the end of the call. When I feel helpless and don't know what to say, we pray together. And those prayers are powerful. I feel the presence of God's Spirit. We call on God to give the person strength and patience. We ask him to embrace her and to help her feel his love. We turn everything over to God. When we hang up I feel I can leave it all behind because it's in God's hands, not mine. This is how I can usually manage to support people without it getting myself down.

As a Christian I need to be a conduit of Christ's love. And I've found that it's a joy to be that. It's rewarding to be that. And to walk with someone through their depression - to talk with them and to help them go to God with it - is a privilege.

I don't expect that everyone should be able to do this. I don't judge people who are not able to do this. We all have gifts that make us unique. This just happens to be mine.

Healing love

My biggest aim as a facilitator of the Living Room mood disorders support group is to help participants learn about and experience the love of God. It's when hurting people understand how much God loves them that healing can best occur. I know this, because this has been my experience.

It was when I was in the depths of depression that a person who I held in great esteem told me she loved me and that she would always love me, no matter what I said or did. This person is a very godly person and I knew that what she said came from God and that God was expressing Himself through her. And what a difference it made to me!

Now, when I help others through tough times, I remember what my friend did for me and I try to do this for others. I ask God to fill me with His love and to help me share that love with the people I meet. This is one prayer I can be confident that God will answer.

1 John 4:12 says, "No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us." It's through those of us who love God that God reveals Himself.

But God's love is unfathomable; it's beyond measure. We can only show a part of it, but we can do it with abandon. We need to accept others as Jesus did, using Him as our example, following in His footsteps. Jesus loved everyone - the poor, the sinners, the sick. He touched the untouchables and His loving touch made them well.

God's commandments that sum up all commandments given in the Bible is to love God with all our heart and soul and strength and to love our neighbour as we love ourselves. God IS love. If only the whole world could share in this love! What a better place this planet would be!

But we each have a little corner of the world - a little sphere of influence - people surrounding us who we can love - people whom we can help to heal. Let us ask God to help us share His love with them...with abandon.

Why did He come?

My mom-in-law is doing okay. She had her transfusion in the ER on the weekend - the ER, simply because - for a variety of reasons - it was the most efficient way to get her looked after. She is weak but in good spirits. On Thursday we'll take her to the specialist to see what he can do.

I'm still into a low grade depression. I can tell because I don't have much energy to do the things I would normally be doing at Christmas time. The thought of preparing Christmas dinner scares me. It seems like it will be a bigger job than I'm up to. My husband mentioned that he notices that I'm still down. He can often tell better than I do myself.

But the wonderful thing is that this is not a bad depression. Things could be much much worse. So I'm thankful. I putter at the jobs that have to be done and I find contentment now-a-days doing sudoku puzzles and playing Ticket to Ride with my husband when we have a free evening. My days are not at all black, just a pale wash of gray.

I've been eager for our Sunday church services this Advent season - eager to gather as much from them as I can. In his sermon on Sunday, Pastor Don mentioned John 3:16, the well-known verse we all learned to memorize in Sunday School: "For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life." That verse is so common that those of us who are familiar with it hardly pay attention to exactly what those words mean. That's the danger when words become too common.

But Don then pointed out verse 17, one that doesn't get as much play: "For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him." Jesus did not come to merely point an accusing finger at the world for how bad it was. He came to help. He came to set the world right again. The story of his life shows that so well.

Oh, if Christians, as the followers of Christ we are supposed to be, would only pay attention to those words. Too often we're guilty of criticizing or judging. We need to help each other. We need to love the way Jesus taught us to. It's this kind of love we celebrate at Christmas time.