Chickadees in the daisies

A wonderful morning quiet time on the patio this has been - lots of time to think and pray. But in future I must keep my camera handy as I sit out there. This morning a flock of chickadees came by, spending quite a bit of time in the Shasta daisies just a few feet away from where I sat. What pictures that would have made! Little birds in the midst of my favourite flowers.

I've been doing a lot of praying about next week's holiday we were planning with our motorhome. Don't know if it can happen. My mother has come down with the flu - bad news for a 96-year-old. Pretty hard to go far away, so far out of reach of her.

Other things are happening. We had our cat Max in to the vet a couple of days ago for tests. He has all the symptoms of diabetes. If that's what it is, we may end up being tied down more than ever. Imagine having to give him insulin shots daily! And our neighbour, who usually looks after him when we're gone, would not be able to do this. My husband and I are the only ones who can really get close to him. We should find out the test results today.

Besides all this, there are at least three friends who are needing a bit of care. I'd really like to help two of them out with a pot of soup or something. Would have liked to do this earlier, but I just didn't have the time. And one of them I worry about and feel I need to stay close to right now.

Ah, but how I looked forward to going to the Chilcotin! It's a special place for us. Quiet. Very few people. Good fishing for Wes and wonderful quiet times for me. I looked forward to lots of uninterrupted reading. Time with God and with my husband. We needed that time.

This morning, though, I thought of a park close to town where we could alternatively go for a few days. We could be close to Mom and keep tab on her daily. Golden Ears Park is beautiful, with lots of good hiking trails. Maybe this is where God wants us to go for now. We'll see.

Today is a Living Room day. Thank God I haven't had too much to do to prepare. Mark, my co-facilitator will lead the devotional time. So good to have him as a partner. Not that I don't like doing devotionals. It's a blessing to do so. But things have been terribly busy and it has been good to have someone else do the preparation instead of me.

Today's meeting will be the last of the summer. We will take August off to rest and relax.

The picture? My husband Wes at a lake in the Chilcotin. Note the loon in the background. I just love the cry of the loon in the stillness.

SAD?

I'm starting to wonder whether I might not be having trouble with seasonal affective disorder. My depressions over the last few years have always started in October or November, the beginning of the dark winter season. And over the last little while, with the dark wet days here in Vancouver, I've felt myself dipping again. I've had to struggle to stay up.

Yes, there have been some triggers. My husband off on a trip this Friday, planning to be gone 21/2 weeks. Uncertainties surrounding the funding for the conference, wondering if I'm going to have to go alone, with no one to be there as support. Hearing that the friend I talk to almost daily will be going away for three months, starting in February.

But, somehow, when I imagine how it would be to be able to sit in my muskoka chair in the warm bright sun, I tend to think that I wouldn't be affected in this way. I think I'd be able to better withstand these triggers. I think I'll start using the SAD lamp we have. See if that will help me.

My counselor told me that the trip we're planning for May is not soon enough for a holiday for me. When I told my husband that, he thought that perhaps we could afford a week's holiday somewhere warm and sunny in January. Wow! Just the thought of it makes me feel better. I can imagine myself sitting on a beach or by a pool with a good book. How good that would be!

Yes, I'll try the lamp.

Down the road again

I need to write just a bit to let you know that tomorrow we are, once more, off on a trip. We truly are taking advantage of our motorhome this year and I'm finding it very good to have those breaks away. Used to be I'd be too lazy or simply not motivated enough to do all the work getting ready to go. But the last couple of trips were so good, so beneficial to my mental health, that I look forward to it more and more. And it's good to have those times with my husband. The only thing that worries me now is what am I going to do when the summer is gone? I'm so enjoying the good weather and the opportunities to get outdoors.

I look forward to the time this holiday will give me to read. Perhaps I'll even be moved to do some writing. I'll also bring my camera and sketchbook. Isn't that what heaven should be all about? The opportunity to learn from the thoughts of others. The opportunity to be creative, to use the gifts God has given me. These are things I need to make sure I always make time for, even when I'm not on holidays.

There used to be a time when I wondered what possible use there could be in doing artwork. Wouldn't my time be better spent doing God's work? Doing "useful" things? But I'm learning that God made us to be creative people. He had good reasons for this.

I'm starting to look on the creative work I do as a form of worship. What better way to worship than to lie on the ground, focusing your camera on a little wildflower, admiring its beauty, wanting to share that beauty with others? What better way to worship than to watch a baby's every expression as you spend time photographing her?

Earlier this week I photographed a toddler. I didn't do as well as I'd like, but the experience of spending time with this little girl, fully attentive to her, was wonderful. I will have some more wonderful times making the prints.

So early tomorrow morning we'll be off again, for ten days this time. See you all when I get back. Hope that you too will find the time to do the things you best love to do.

Off for a few days

I'll be off for the next week or so, camping in our motorhome - my husband fishing, me reading and drawing. It will be good to get away once more.

Recent days have been good for me, especially today. I'm taking a little loxapine at night now to help me get better rests at night. This morning I slept till 6:00 - much better than waking up at 3 or 4 as I have been.

Today I feel quite normal, hardly depressed at all. Yet I guess I'm a little fearful too. So many times I've started feeling well, only to drop down again a couple days later. How long will this good mood be with me this time?

But I guess I should be more positive and try to expect that I will one day be a stable person again. I'm praying for a more lasting wholeness. I want to get back to work again.

A few days away

Just want to let you know that my husband and I are going away with the motorhome till Monday to have a change of scenery and relax a bit.

I've enjoyed the extra bit of blogging I've been doing this week. Hope I'll be able to keep it up, because I do enjoy sharing my thoughts here.

Hope you all keep well and enjoy the weekend.

Off on a holiday

Just want to let you know my husband and I are going away tomorrow, coming back on January 19th. Will miss you all, but it will be good to get a rest in the warm sunshine - a Caribbean cruise of all things. We've never cruised before and may never have the opportunity again, so I look forward to the experience.

See you when I get back!

Released

Last night we took the tree and all the decorations down. A further release from the Christmas season. I can breathe easy again.

Turns out a lot of people at Living Room yesterday shared my feelings of relief. Too bad, isn't it, that a celebration that should be beautiful carries such stress with it? How can we possibly avoid that? Will have to make a serious attempt next year to avoid that.

It snowed again last night. Don't know if I've ever seen such an ongoing snowy time before. Not where we live. Kind of crimps your style. There are people who haven't dug out from the last few snowfalls yet. Can't get out of their lane - or find it difficult and dangerous to do so.

This limits my visiting times with Mom. It's hard to find parking at the home with the piles of snow on the sides of the street. Hard to find a spot in the parking lot. But I'll try to get there today and take my chances. She called a couple of days ago telling me she's feeling lonely.

The cruise will be nice. Warm weather. Worries all left behind. Only a few days to wait now.

Gone fishin'

...literally - my husband, at least. In the meantime I will relax in quiet and peace on the shore. I'll be gone till next Saturday. Make sure you don't miss reading my previous post.

Taking a break

I will be taking a break from blogging until Tuesday. Time to sit by a lake, read, write, and paint. Wish I could do that longer than the three days I have, but I'll take them and be happy for them.