Thursday, June 11, 2009

Up and down

Hi everyone,

It has been a long time since I posted. Things haven't been good. Every once in a while a good day and every once in awhile an absolutely horrendous day.

I am grateful for the good weather we've had. I've been able to spend the early morning hours sitting on the patio, listening to the birds, enjoying the flowers, aware of God's presence. Those times have been healing.

I've discovered that one of my worst problems lately has been Living Room. This ministry that always gave me such a feeling of joy has become a burden. I feel very alone with the responsibility - and it is a big responsibility.

Is it the depression that is making it feel like a burden? Or is the burden causing the depression? I'm not sure what it is. I just know that I need a lot of prayer right now for someone to come alongside me to share in the work. I need someone who will share this vision with me.

My own group isn't a problem. I have lots of help there. It's the bigger picture of Living Room - the raising awareness within the church - the helping churches learn how to support people with mental illness. That's where I feel I very much need support.

Every once in awhile my mood dips very low - dangerously low. And then, one or two days later, I'm coping again. Never know how I'm going to wake up in the morning.

And yet I know I need to trust God. I need to remember that he is in charge. And I need to remember to keep talking to him - aware of his presence, grateful for his love and his goodness. I'm trying to cling to God as well as I can.

I'm grateful to Wendy and Susan for your emails - for your concern for me. I appreciate your thinking of me and your prayers.


Anonymous said...

Hi Marja,

Sorry to hear you are not feeling well. I know you have talked about your quick switches in mood from up and down before. Have you ever talked to you pdoc about rapid or maybe in your case, ultra rapid cycling moods?

If you want to chat, just give me a call or email.

Take Care,
K. in WR

Wendy Love said...

Welcome back to blogland! Rapid cycling, I know all about it. Wondering if the thoughts cause the moods or the moods cause the thoughts? I know all about that too but I don't have an answer.
Wondering what kind of mood you are going to experience as you wake up each day, or how many different moods you will have as the day continues? I know about that too! I also know that even though I change all the time, God is the same yesterday, today and forever. I know that God will never leave me or forsake me. I know that God is my refuge and my strength. I know that I can rest in his love. May you find some rest in his love today. I will be praying for you personally and especially about the situation with 'Living Room'. By the way, have you heard about Dr. Grant Mullen and all the work he is doing trying to raise awareness in the church about mental illness? (check him out on the internet)You are not alone in your quest. Do what you can and don't do what you can't.
Wendy Love

marja said...

Hi K in WR,

Thanks for visiting and for commenting. I called my pdoc this morning and told him how my mood had switched so dramatically since I saw him two days ago. He was under the impression that I was on the mend.

Good to hear from you,

marja said...

Hi Wendy,

Thank you so much for those words. We can't be reminded enough of God's love and constancy. All I need to do is hang onto that knowledge when I'm in the pits.


Brenda said...

Glad to see you back, Marja, but very sorry to hear you're having such a struggle. I will be praying in earnest for you now that I know what's going on. I thought you were away in the trailer.

Faith and Hope Ministries.....check it out. Google it.

Love and hugs,

Brenda said...

Oooops. I thought there was only one Faith and Hope Ministries. They have a website but nothing is posted yet.

Their purpose is to help congregations provide an informed supportive Christian community in which they support and care for the needs of those with mental illness and their families. It's based in eastern Ontario. They came to our church to do a whole service on mental illness.

marja said...

Hi Brenda,

Thank you for your prayers. Yes, I know of Faith and Hope Ministries. They have my book and Living Room manuals, hoping to help churches in your area start up groups. Something you might want to help them with?

Brenda said... soon as we get settled in our new house. We're moving a hour north of Kingston.

What did you think of the article I sent you from The Banner?

Jena said...

I encourage you to trust the leaders you raised up to do their jobs and allow them to grow as leaders in their own way. You aren't responsible for all the groups- you inspired them. Focus on your group and be proud for what Living Room has become :)

marja said...

Brenda, Please do that. Living Room needs people like you.
Yes, I read that group of articles you sent me. They were very good. Good to see a religious publication pay attention to these things, eh?

marja said...

Jena, I know, I need to let each leader develop in his/her own way. Yet I also feel my role needs to be supportive as well. It would be good to get a newsy email out to all the groups once in awhile and to keep us all connected. We can encourage each other.