Needing to create

I'm starting to function better, getting quite a few things done around the house. And I'm becoming more organized, doing much to prepare for Missions Fest, the conference where Living Room will have a booth. (Booth N08 for those of you who might like to come and visit us)

But the low moods still come upon me with too much regularity, quite often just after waking up from a nap.

And I keep thinking to myself how good it would be for me to have a creative project on the go. Doing creative things has always been a good technique for me to get out of depression. Something colourful and beautiful.

I've been praying so much for a project! Something involving photography.

One thing I've been exploring is to create a devotional book - a gift book with photographs and words - perhaps prayers that people with all kinds of pain would be able to relate to. How I'd like to be like David, creating psalms that arose from the situations he was in, but not specifying those situations in his writing. The way he wrote was something almost everyone could relate to.

Could I write prayers that could bless people with all different forms of pain ... and joy as well? Could I write something for the benefit of many and not just for myself?

You hem me in

Such a comfort it was this morning to read Psalm 139. Isn't it neat how reading scripture will affect you in different ways each time you read? Depending on where you are emotionally?

I'm thankful this morning that I feel like tidying the house. I really feel like doing things. Not with a lot of energy or a lot of joy, but I want to have things in hand so I can continue on with the project that is giving me a sense of purpose right now - the cookbook project. That's what I'm hanging onto right now.

...and it's high time I prepared our house for Christmas. I need to do some decorating - get in the spirit.

I love Psalm 139 - where David says:

Where can I go from you Spirit?
Where can I flee from your presence?
If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.

Yeah, off and on lately, I've been making my bed in the depths. But this Psalm promises that He is there with me. I can rest in that assurance.

It's a Living Room day today. I've turned over the leadership to my co-facilitator until I'm feeling stronger. Right now I feel I need to be supported and don't feel as strong about giving support. So glad I have someone in place to take over that role.

I will focus on doing the things I feel I can best do. Putter around the house. Try to make Christmas happen as well as I can. One day at a time. Just very thankful that I feel up to things today. Very thankful to know that God is with me - through all my ups and downs.

Feeling better

I'm feeling more normal today. Not so tired. More stable, even though somewhat at loose ends. Maybe all this fear I felt was for naught.

I can see, though, that I need to have something else now to focus on, something else besides Living Room. I've done such a lot of photography lately, and feel a need to let that rest for awhile. Maybe I will try to do some drawing again.

Although I had a meeting that took up the whole morning, the afternoon lacked a defined purpose. And that tends to be how it is now, no longer having that big purposeful creative focus of the photography and the open house to prepare for.

I've started reading Leading on Empty by Wayne Cordeiro. Just the book I need to help me learn how to prevent burnout and help me deal with my too-much-of-everything life. I so need to build balance into my life and not overdo. And over the past little while I know I've been over-doing. Thus the threat of a crash.

I know many of you have been praying for me and I thank you for that.

Christmas in August

I've been thinking so much about Christmas lately. Planning already. Trying to sort out how I can make it a good time instead of the horrid time it was last year.

For so many years now I've had a hard time dealing with Christmas, the stress of it always causing depression. I hate all the pressures that come with it, all the traditions that need to be lived up to. My life is busy enough as it is, without Christmas. Just can't deal with all the extra time and energy Christmas requires.

And yet I believe in celebrating the idyllic Christmas. I want that. Perhaps I'm expecting too much from myself to make it that way?

Anyway, I'm preparing for it now, hoping that I will sidestep problems when the holiday time is truly upon me.

How can I celebrate Christmas this year, without bringing on the depression tha comes along with it? Those thoughts are with me all the time now-a-days. I'm making plans.

I've started my Christmas shopping (though only one item so far). And I'm making notecards and other photographic items, planning to have an open house near Christmas when I can show them off and have them available for sale. I'll probably do that towards the end of November. The proceeds from the sale will support a church ministry.

Making the notecards is something I'm very much enjoying. It's a wonderful creative exercise, an outlet I really need. Something to distract me from the mental health work that tends to consume me. A healthy hobby.

I'll be making most of my gifts. If there weren't a Christmas time I wouldn't have as good a reason to be creative would I? And isn't Christmas all about being creative? The baking, the cooking, the decorating, the entertaining.

Christmas. I will look to the positive in it. I will look forward to and plan the good. Starting now. Little by little.