I'm feeling more normal today. Not so tired. More stable, even though somewhat at loose ends. Maybe all this fear I felt was for naught.
I can see, though, that I need to have something else now to focus on, something else besides Living Room. I've done such a lot of photography lately, and feel a need to let that rest for awhile. Maybe I will try to do some drawing again.
Although I had a meeting that took up the whole morning, the afternoon lacked a defined purpose. And that tends to be how it is now, no longer having that big purposeful creative focus of the photography and the open house to prepare for.
I've started reading Leading on Empty by Wayne Cordeiro. Just the book I need to help me learn how to prevent burnout and help me deal with my too-much-of-everything life. I so need to build balance into my life and not overdo. And over the past little while I know I've been over-doing. Thus the threat of a crash.
I know many of you have been praying for me and I thank you for that.
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8 comments:
Marja,
Sounds like you are exhausted! How did your open house go? I am praying for you during this time of recovery from such a busy time. Rest, rest, rest!
Hi Wendy,
The open house went beautifully. Lots of people buying lots of stuff. What I'm really suffering from now is a lack of a solid focus, a purpose like the open house gave me. I'm feeling a bit lost. And I don't think I'm very good at resting. Like I said somewhere before, I may try some drawing.
marja
Marja,
I am so glad to hear that you are feeling better. I can somewhat understand your desire to be focused on something, a project and/or otherwise. That's mainly how I've been dealing with my dads passing. Most times it helps to keep busy, but some of what I'm keeping busy with has to do with him! It's like a double edged sword!
Anyways, as I've mentioned before I enjoy writing, and that seems to help a lot.
I even submitted a story I wrote a few weeks ago about my dads' suicide to the local newspapers. I did it for therapuetic reasons, but also in hopes that something would come of it, and it will help others.
I received a call yesterday from the editor. They'd like to publish it. They sent a photographer over today to take my picture as well.
I've often wanted to do something like this but was afraid. Then I met you at my alumni meeting, and saw your courage and strenth. I've been struggling with wanting to do "something" since my dads' passing. I knew more counseling wasn't for me, and I just felt lost.
After I met you, I knew what I wanted to do, and decided to stop being afraid. So I wrote my story and sent it off to let whatever happen...happen.
I want to thank-you for being so courageous and strong. The world needs someone like you Marja. You are an inspiration, and blessing to so many.
My thoughts and prayers are with you.
Sincerely,
Tera Williams
Dear Tera,
What a humbling message to receive! I'm so glad that I've encouraged you to write, as I've written. There's such power in telling you story from the heart. There's such a potential for helping others, in the way my telling my story from the heart has helped you.
Is there a chance you could post the story you sent to the paper on your blog? I'd love to read it, as I'm sure others would too.
Thank you for your prayers.
marja
Dear Marja,
I am so thankful to God that you are feeling better. May God continue to preserve you and strengthen you. You are in my thoughts and prayers.
With hugs and prayers,
Nancie
Thank you for your prayers, Nancie. Trouble I'm finding though - and you probably understand this well - when I try to rest, I quickly start feeling unmotivated to do anything at all. And when I feel unmotivated I start feeling depressed. It's a vicious circle, isn't it?
Hugs and prayers from me, Nancie
Love, marja
Sorry to hear that you've been worrying about feeling depressed. It sounds like you might just need a new focus, but one that isn't a huge burden.
Susan
You're absolutely right, Susan. I do have Living Room to focus on, but I also need something "happy" and creative, like you said, something that isn't too much of a burden.
My counselor and I were just talking about this very same thing yesterday. I have a creative project in mind, but am still mulling it over to make sure it's what I want to do.
Good to hear from you, Susan.
Love, marja
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