Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Can you blame me?

I've been worried about myself. Scared. And I'm trying to deal with this fear, because I know it doesn't accomplish anything. In fact, it will make things worse.

I've been worried that depression is round the corner for me again. And can you blame me? When I think of what I went through last year - six months of it! And when I see what some of my Living Room friends are going through...It's a scary thing and, with my disorder, is bound to return over and over again.

I pray to God that he will help me through this time of exhaustion and keep me afloat. I pray that he will help me trust in him, that he will help me remember that he is there and I don't need to fear. Trust. Please, God, let me trust.

Depression: so real, yet so unfathomable when you're doing well. So unfathomable to people who've never experienced it. Yet such a horrendously awful thing.

I place myself in your hands God. To keep and to do your will. Able to do your will.

6 comments:

More Than Conquerors said...

Dear Marja,

I love you and I am praying for you. My heart goes out to you in this difficult time. I can understand something of how you feel now as I am also going through almost the same experience. I have been so busy and occupied with many things recently and feeling very exhausted. There have also been some very difficult challenges in these recent weeks, that I am also fearful that I may fall into depression again. So I am trying hard to slow down and also to cast all my cares upon our Lord.

Do try to rest as much as you can and not be too hard with yourself. You deserve a good rest after such a busy time. Try to cut down on activities that will stress you up or tire you up. You can pick them up later on when you are feeling better. Go for walks whenever you can and spend time in nature.

Continue to cast your cares upon our Lord for He cares for you. You are very precious to Him and to many of us. May God showers His love upon you as you look to Him. I will be praying for you daily. Take care!

I just posted an encouraging video on my blog. Do come around and listen to it, if you are able to. May God encourage you with His Words.

With love and prayers,
Nancie

marja said...

Thank you so much, Nancie, for your words. It's so good to be so well understood. You know it all so well.

Yes, I will have to give myself lots of time to rest. Trick is to rest without doing absolutely nothing. Doing nothing only gives me too much time to think, and that's no good either.

I have a good new book to read and I was also thinking of trying to do some drawing.

I will pray for you as well, as you go through similar challenges. Thank you for posting the video. I had a look and it's beautiful.

May God bless you over the next while and help bring revival of energy.

Thank you for being there, dear friend.

Love, marja

Writing Works said...

Thinking of you, and praying for you.

marja said...

Thank you, Writing Works. I'm feeling pretty good today. Everything might turn out ok. Thank you for your prayers.

Love, marja

'Tart said...

Amen. I pray this eloquent prayer with you Marja, as it describes many things I am thinking. At the moment, I am not plunged in the darkness, but I know it's possiblities, and it's never far away. You describe the illness so well. I come to you/your blog for the simple comfort of understanding from another. Thank you for providing that for me, each time I come to check on how you are doing. I'm sorry I'm sporadic about that.
Sincerely,
Tart

marja said...

Thank you so much, Tart, for visiting...and for praying along with me. I will pray for you as well. I pray that we will trust God and conquer that fear. We can do anything through Him if we will only trust.

Easy to say, eh?

I've been turning back to the Psalms. My friend suggested Psalm 91. Reading it helped. So much in the Bible will help, if we'll only take the time to read it. I too often forget.