Thursday, October 01, 2009

Drawn closer

A wonderful thing came out of the meeting with the suicide loss group on Sunday night. My husband and I have drawn closer as a result.

It was so good that we were able to be there together, both of us hearing all the stories of loss and the love these people expressed for those who had taken their lives.

Wes and I came face to face with what this might mean for him, were I to take my life, as I had so wanted to in the past. I came to see the incredible pain it would cause him. And he came to recognize how he can't take me for granted. He came to recognize how real such a loss could be. And me? I would never want to inflict such pain.

I pray to God that I will never be so self-centered that I will forget these things I learned....And yet, the reality of it is that when such emotional pain comes it's pretty hard to think beyond it.

Yesterday I was going through a hard time because of a friend's troubles. I was so worried about her and felt that I was the cause of it. I had been honest with her about something - though in a loving way - and she couldn't handle it. I caused her great grief. Now I feel I shouldn't have told her the things that I did. I so regret it.

Now I'm hurting too. But Wes has been so good. So understanding. So caring. He's so "with me."

Yes, that suicide loss meeting - though a tough experience - has done wonders for our relationship. I thank God for the opportunity to be there together with Wes and for what it has taught us.

4 comments:

Wellness Writer said...

Dear Marja,
What an extraordinary result of your speaking to that group. When we volunteer to help others, it's always amazing how much we get in return. But...this was truly something special.

Susan

marja said...

Thank you, Susan, for understanding how significant this was for Wes and I. It truly was something special.

KJ said...

Wow this was an amazing post. I came over from Susan's blog and I was moved by what you learned. It is amazing seeing life through other people's eyes!

marja said...

Thank you so much for visiting, KJ. Yes, speaking to that group was a memorable and life changing experience. I'm so grateful for the opportunity to do that.