Thursday, October 01, 2009

What I learned from the suicide loss group

Second post in a day. Not often I do that. But there's something I learned from the suicide loss group that I want to share. In fact, I feel like broadcasting it everywhere.

I don't think any of us realize just how much we're loved. And especially not when we're depressed and our perspective is off. Even when we're told we are loved, we tend not to believe it. We can't take it all in.

And yet the love I saw expressed by those 24 people gathered to talk about the children, spouses and parents they lost showed me how much the people who took their life were loved so very deeply. The people who died might not even have realized it. What a tragedy!

And it makes me think of the people there. They probably didn't even realize how very deeply they loved. They didn't realize how much pain they could suffer.

I think we love our family and friends far more deeply than we realize. When we're so busy with our lives and there are so many activities and "stuff" to distract us from remembering our appreciation for each other we perhaps start taking each other for granted. We forget to let each other know how much we love each other. And we so need to do that.

Let us love God and one another - God's greatest commandment, and for good reason.


Wellness Writer said...

When I've been severely depressed I've often felt so sad for my husband and son. And, I can hear my own voice saying to myself that I was contributing nothing to their lives.

Of course, when I'm well, I feel completely the opposite. But, what I've learned from what you've written is that even in the worst of times, the people who love us may not feel the way we do. And, that is an extraordinarily important message.

Next week, I plan to write a post about this and link to your series of posts about your experience at the meeting and the conclusions you've come to. I think this is a really important post.

Thanks for sharing all this.


marja said...

I would be very grateful, Susan, if you would point people to these posts. As I said, I feel like I want to broadcast this message far and wide.

Thing is, from me speaking to them, all people hear are words. If only they could hear the stories told by the grieving family members. If only they could witness the tears.


Eva said...

Hello mother just forwarde this blog to me..I am bipolar 33ys. married with 4 boys. I'm having challenges seperating the spagetti of feelings, moods, beliefs, reality...Looking forward to read more..

marja said...

Hi Eva,

Thanks for dropping by. Four boys and bipolar! Could not be easy.

I like the way you put it: the "spaghetti" of moods, feelings, beliefs and all that. We bipolars - and actually, probably everyone to some extent - have a mess of things to deal with, don't we?

I have a son who's older than you. So that means I've got a few years on you. And yes, I think I've unravelled a bit of stuff since I was your age, though it's still not easy. Life with bipolar never will be easy.

But in the mess of it all I have drawn some peace from my belief in God and my ability to trust him - some of the time. I'm certainly not perfect and I too don't have it all together.

On the whole, though, life is good and I treasure it. I love the work I do, supporting people with mood disorders.

Hey, this comment is turning into a post of it own. Not good. But I just wanted to connect with you.

Take care,

More Than Conquerors said...


Thanks for sharing with us the many precious lessons you have learned from the group.

"I don't think any of us realize just how much we're loved...We forget to let each other know how much we love each other." I find these to be very true especially in my own life and culture. Asians are generally very reserved and many time we do not express our love for one another and so we do not realized just how much we are loved.

I hope I can improve on this and cherish the people around me more. Thanks for this precious reminder. May God continue to bless you as you share what you have learned with others.

Love and prayers,

marja said...

Dear Nancie,

Although you say the Asian community is not that good at expressing love, that's certainly not true of you. I sense you as a very loving person. It comes through repeatedly in your blogging.

Love, marja

trippinoverkidz said...


Hello again. I wrote you after I met you at the suicide support group alumni meeting where you were our speaker for the evening.

After that meeting and writing you here, I felt inspired to write about my feelings as I used to do prior to my dads passing. I have not been able to until I met you that night.

I'm hoping that my story will encourage others to be strong during the aftermath of losing someone to suicide.

I've created my own blog. What do you think of this idea?

Admittedly I am overwhelmed with feeling I need to do something. Raise awareness, hopefully encourage people, and help them in "some" way. Just something...

Hope you are doing well Marja. I think of you often.


marja said...

Dear Tera,

So good to hear from you again. I think starting a blog about this and sharing your feelings there is an excellent idea. It might draw others who have experienced to loss of someone they love to suicide. Many supportive relationships can form online, as they have for me.

My blog has drawn other people who have bipolar disorder and we can support each other and express our feelings, knowing that there will be people reading who will understand.

Just reading your story and how you cope will encourage others.

Yes, Tera, you've hit on a great idea. And I'm sure this will help you yourself a lot. It's an opportunity to give voice to your feelings - so important.