Saturday, November 22, 2008

A window of hope

My depression is dragging on, but in a roller coaster fashion - some days really bad, some not so bad. What occurs to me is that I'm actually in a position to learn a lot right now. I've been wanting to write about how a person can best support friends with depression. This is a mystery to so many. Yet to be able to give good support can be such a blessing for those of us who need it. I'm trying to keep track of what is helping me right now. This is the silver lining of depression. You can use what you learn from it to help others.

Yesterday was a bad day. How I wished someone would call me and toss me a lifesaver, an indication that they cared. With my husband off on a holiday I felt quite alone. I suppose I could have done the reaching out and called a friend, but I would have felt like I was being a bother. What could I say except to complain about how badly I felt? I did write a couple of emails letting friends know what I was going through. If I didn't do that I would truly have felt like I was sinking. We do need to stay in touch with people if we're to stay on the surface, don't we? That's how it is for me anyway.

I was relieved in the evening to receive a call from each of my sisters. They were compassionate. They know very well what it means to be depressed and they're aware that this was triggered by our mom's problems. I know they will stay in touch, tossing me a lifesaver when I need it.

What I was really thankful about was a call from a close friend who knew how I felt because I had emailed her. She spent some time talking with me, truly helping me with my pain. She did not advise me or try to fix me - just showed compassion. Neat thing she did: she suggested that one day, when we're both feeling better (this is the friend who is physically not well), we will get together and do some Christmas baking. That idea so appealed to me. If she had suggested we do it right then and there, I would not have been able - I would have felt pressured and turned off by the thought of it. But to think of doing this in the future appealed to me. It offered me a window of hope, something to look forward to.

Today was good. I went to Curves and had lunch with my mom at the home, something I need to do more often. I'll try to use the light I'm receiving from my friend's window of hope to bake some fudge brownies tonight. They're a cinch to make and she loves chocolate. How good I would feel if I could give her some! Hope she will like them because she badly needs to put on some weight.

Maybe this window of hope will lead to others. I know I do feel like I have a lot to write about right now....Perhaps an article on support?...Perhaps a workbook to help others through their depression?


Merelyme said...

oh marja...i didn't know you were feeling down. is there anything i can do? is it the holidays rolling around? i tend to get blue during this time of year. the brownies sound good. someone else was just talking on their blog about how cooking is helping them.

anyways...i am here friend. you are not alone.

marja said...

Merelyme: Thank you, friend. You know so well what this is, don't you? Thanks for being there.

Though I usually have trouble at Christmas time, this episode was caused by the stress of my mom getting sick, going into a nursing home, and then having to clean up her apartment. LOTS of work. Still have the headache of finding a doctor for her, when it looks like no one is taking new patients.

Actually, you know, this year I'm looking forward to Christmas. It'll be a welcome relief from all these other kinds of stresses. I want to celebrate - to have good times with family and friends - to bake my traditional cookies.

Nancie said...

Marja, you are in my thoughts and prayers always. Sorry that I have not been able to do much blogging or visiting recently. I haven't been very well myself and had to really slow down. But I remember you in prayers. I am glad you are able to share on this blog and with some friends. We all need support from one another and God is good to provide for us such support in His wonderful ways.

May God continue to strengthen you day by day. May God continue to shower His lovingkindness upon you in many wonderful ways and especially through loved ones and friends around you. Sending you hugs. Take care.

marja said...

Hi Nancie,

It looks like we're in the same place. I, too, have had to slow down on my blogging - for a long time now. I pray the same for you. May you sense God's blessings and love and peace.

Love, marja