So I'm in worry mode. My husband says I seem depressed again. Well, I did have two good days. I guess - judging by my pattern lately - I'm due for another low.
Thursday was bad, to the point of me wondering whether I could be trusted to carry out my responsibilities. I'm trusting God as the Bible says I should. I'm trying to model myself after David in his Psalms - those Psalms I've been reading so much lately. But to what extent can trusting God heal me? At what point am I going to have to say, I'm no longer able to live up to the expectations I've had of myself?
So many people lose their jobs because of this illness. Is it ever going to get to the point when I can no longer handle what I do? I pray not, God. That would be like dying for me. I love this work You've given me to do. Life without it would be meaningless.
Yes, these awful thoughts were going through my head last Thursday. Fortunately I got lots of help with Living Room on Friday. All I had to do was the devotional time. Topic - "And I will yet praise Him." That was a topic close to my heart. I was able to speak passionately about it. Because, yes, I do praise God. In spite of everything, I praise Him.
No matter what happens to me I pray that I'll be able to find it in me to praise God. To thank Him for all He's given me. To thank Him for His great love. To thank Him for my precious friends who encourage me so well to keep following Him. To put my hand in His and walk beside Him, trusting.
I'm also thankful for some of the new help I've been able to get with Living Room. A new, gifted co-facilitator as well as someone to help with the lunches. Another person who has been coming is proving herself to be a good leader - a new talent we discovered in her. Yes, God is providing me with what I need. Why should I fear?
What are you thankful for today? Thankful Thursday is hosted by Laurie at Women Taking a Stand. Thanks, Laurie! Do visit the other participants and be encouraged by their thanksgiving to God too.
20 comments:
Hi Marja, your writing is so true! I hope you will be able to enjoy Greece, it sounds very nice and I hope it will be peaceful.
You may already know this (maybe others don't), but I've learned to take all your prescriptions in original jars/labels in your carry on luggage. This will prevent you from going without your doses in case you get delayed,etc. It's been suggested that people with mood disorders get a short note from their Dr. stating their condition. This can prove helpful if you were to become ill while away. And, lastly, it's good to plan ahead regarding the time change. This info came from the group for people with bipolar disorder that I attend at UBC.
Have a wonderful time and I look forward to hearing more about it!
K. :)
Hi K.,
Thank you for that. Yes, I figure I'd better call my psychiatrist to see what to do with my meds and the time change. Personally, I figure if I take my bedtime meds (a sedative) around 5 or 6pm our time, then my morning meds a couple of hours after I arrive in London, I should be on track. But I'll check with my doctor.
Btw, my axiety level is down today. I've gone to Curves already, and ready to do the many other things I need to do today. I don't think I'm depressed.
Dear Marja,
I can most certainly identify with you in the ups and downs of mood. I am often baffled by the changing of moods from day to day. One day I can be up and be very creative, filled with the joy of the Lord and face the day with enthusiasm trusting in God's enablement.
But sometimes the next day I have difficulty waking up, feeling so extremely exhausted, heavy heart to face the day and not knowing how I am going to survive that day. At such times, I have to strive to put my complete trust in God and wait patiently for Him to strengthen me and uplift me.
Thank God that His mercies are new every morning! He is the One holding tightly to me and strengthening me day by day no matter how my mood is or what I am going through. What a mercy to have such a loving Heavenly Father and Lord Jesus Christ to take care of me daily. I am learning to be contented in Him and resting in Him no matter what I go through, whether it be on the mountaintop or low valley. He is there with me.
This morning I feel a little down but as I pray and read God's Words and go about my routine, I decided to count my blessings and share them at Thankful Thursday. I have just completed my post and I do feel better as I focus on praising God. I would like to invite you to join us at Thankful Thursday and be encouraged by God's goodness and mercies to many people. It really helps to focus on God and see His wonderful works around us. You don't need to write a new post but just link this post to Laurie at http://womentakingastand.blogspot.com/ and fill in your link at the bottom of Laurie's post. Do join us if you can.
I am praying for your trip. May God grant you a safe and wonderful trip. Take care!
With love and prayers,
Nancie
Hi Nancie,
I've often thought I'd like to join Thankful Thursdays. I'm sure it would be very good for me. But I checked out Laurie's site and can't figure out how to link to it.
Thank you for your prayers, Nancie
Love,
marja
Hi Marja,
I am glad you wish to join us at Thankful Thursday. You will find it a blessing indeed.
I have helped you to enter your link there. There seemed to be some problems initially with the link. Hopefully it works well. Now others will be able to see your link and visit your post here. You may want to add the Thankful Thursday picture on your post with a link to Laurie so that others can recognize you are participating on Thankful Thursday post. You can just copy from the bottom of my post for a start.
Take care! May you be blessed by God's goodness to others on Thankful Thursday and they be encouraged by His goodness to you too. Take care and God bless you always.
Love,
Nancie
Asking God to be close by your side as you travel. Everything will be ok, He will take care of you.
Hi Nancie,
Had a lot of trouble getting the picture there. But I did eventually. Thanks for your help.
marja
Denise,
Welcome to my blog. Thank you for visiting and your well wishes.
marja
Marja,
I understand and sympathize with the ups and downs you experience and the big unknown, each day, each hour of "how am I going to be feeling?" You are a brave girl making such a big trip, and yet oh the beauty that awaits you. I have only seen pictures, but it looks so wonderful. I pray that you will be able to enjoy the entire time and know when to take some 'time-out' to refuel so you can enjoy some more....
Wendy Love
Praying as you go to Greece. It's a blessing to know we can trust the Lord to order our steps.
Thank you, Wendy. It's so good to have people out there who fully understand what it means being bipolar. But, you know, it does mean I need God and I'm so encouraged to keep Him close by my friends, both online and surrounding me where I live.
marja
Gina, Welcome to my blog. And thank you so much for the encouragement.
marja
Hope you have a safe and enjoyable trip. Remember, God goes before you! Always.
Thank you, Whidbey Woman, for the support. I'll remember.
Hope all is well with you and your family on your trip. I have not been blogging here for a longtime and ready to write more. Missed you and still think of u often...
Love always.. Phoebe
Hi marja,
I'm a girl from Spain. I am a Christian and I know people with mental illness. I have been so encouraged by your story and reading this blog for months. I am thankful that God led me to this blog and also to find hope in Him through other believers. I needed that so much! So many people don't understand but God does!
I pray that God keeps using you and Living Room to bring Jesus' hope to others.
Liz.
Dear Phoebe,
I figured out a way I can access my blogging account on the road - in Greece - and was able to publish your comment. Such a delight to know I can keep in touch. We're having a wonderful time. The light is so bright here on the islands. I bet none of the locals have trouble with depression here.
marja
Dear Liz,
So happy you've been able to follow me, all the way in Spain. The wonders of the internet! And I must say, your English is perfect. So glad to have heard from you and to hear I've encouraged you. Please do stay in touch.
marja
Hi Marja,
I'm the Spanish girl, again. I studied English at college and that allows me to read from different people in the world.
I keep reading your blog and it encourages me. A member of my family has a mental illness and it's hard to get help here sometimes. I have felt alone sometimes, but I know God is beside people who suffer and He cares. That's my hope.
I'm glad you had a good time in Greece. The pictures are beautiful.
¡Saludos desde España! Greetings from Spain!
Elisabet (Liz)
Hi Liz,
Thank you for replying. Your English is so good, one would never guess that it is your second language. If I have the time, I'd love to go back to studying Spanish. Don't think I'd ever be able to speak Spanish as well as you speak English though. I'm starting to know more and more people in Spanish-speaking countries. It would be so nice to be able to understand them and speak in their language - if only somewhat.
Thank you for how you care about people with mental illness and how you want to learn about it. So good of you!
Take care - marja
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