One little pill - abilify

For the first time in years my pdoc is changing my antipsychotic medication to something different. Reason? Tremors that have been bothering me for years. And the fact that I'm on two antipsychotics. He's uncomfortable about that, thinking he's over-medicating me. Perhaps with the abilify he's now putting me on I can make do with only one.

So this morning I started. I took one small dose of abilify and reduced the old med a little. Trouble is, I've had an uncomfortable stomach all day and am pretty sure that one little pill is the culprit. One little pill giving so much discomfort!

But I need to give this a good shot. Guess I'll have to live with the discomfort for awhile and see if my body will adjust.

Anyone else out there had experience with abilify?

My picture? The base of an old church on the island of Paros.

A smaller cocktail

I saw my pdoc yesterday and he has reduced my medication cocktail - taken me off two meds. I've been having huge tremor issues (very embarrassing) and trouble with short-term memory. Now I'm only on four meds, much better than six.

Trouble is, I woke up at 3am and couldn't sleep again.

The flupenthixol I take as an anti-psychotic is a stimulant and it's now making me feel like my old self. Happy and energetic. It feels very good. And my tremors are not bothering me as much.

Now all I need to worry about is getting enough sleep.

Nevertheless, I love this up feeling. I should be able to accomplish a lot.

Meds kicking in?

I'm so pleased. Today I actually seemed to feel more like my old self - a self I had not felt in quite awhile. It's probably because I've gone back to my old treatment regime - to the cocktail that worked so well for me in the past. My pdoc said it would take a couple of weeks to kick in and I think it's starting to do that now.

How wonderful it would be if I could stay like this for awhile! I'd be able to accomplish so much more. I'd smile a lot more. I pray that I will now have turned around - back to a more stable me.

Tomorrow we're going to Saltspring Island to visit my sister. We'll be back on Monday. Hope the weather will be good.

And I hope the sun will shine on you too, wherever you might be.

An up day

I can't let a post like yesterday's stand, not when I'm feeling better, as I am today. So please don't worry about me - not today.

I read a couple of emails I sent to friends yesterday when I was in the depths and can't believe that was only yesterday morning. I feel so far removed from those feelings now. What a crazy illness this is!

Today I saw my pdoc and I'm happy he's putting me back on the medication cocktail I was on when I was doing much better, several months ago. During those times I had been so stable with only occasional depression - maybe two biggish ones a year. It will be so good to get back to that more stable me again. I'm feeling very hopeful tonight.

I spent this morning creating a Living Room pamphlet, something we so very much need to tell people what our support groups are all about. Accomplishing that was in itself an encouragement - a mood booster. In fact, I feel hugely good about it!

Tomorrow we'll have Bible study at my house so my next goal is to do some cleaning. I'm not very good at housework but having company is a great incentive. So I guess I'd better draw this post to a close and do some "real" work.

An illness like any other

Michelle's difficulty with accepting her diagnosis of bipolar disorder prompts me to share an excerpt from my first book, Riding the Roller Coaster. Throughout the writing of this book I held in mind the people who were newly diagnosed and how hard it is to come to terms with it and how hard it is to learn to cope.

An Illness Like Any Other

"What consoles me is that I am beginning to consider madness
as an illness like any other, and that I accept is as such."
- Vincent van Gogh, in a letter to his brother, 1889

We always think of mental illness as something that happens to other people, not to us. To be diagnosed with depression or manic depression is a scary thing. But how we cope with our mood disorder is largely determined by how we look at it. If we can accept it as the illness it is - an illness like any other - we will be ready to move ahead with our lives in a positive way.
The negative view much of society has of mental disorders is partly due to the fact that people do not understand there is usually a physical basis for these illnesses, often in the form of a chemical imbalance. This imbalance is treatable with medication. With effective treatment most of us can live close-to-normal lives. Mental illness is an illness like any other.
In fact, mood disorders are comparable to other illnesses, such as diabetes. A diabetic is not to blame for his or her illness. Neither is a person with a mood disorder. Just as diabetes can cause serious disability and even death, so can mood disorders. Diabetics often require the use of medication to maintain stable blood sugar levels. People with mood disorders also require medication, in their case, to maintain emotional balance. Finally, as is the case with those who have diabetes, if people with mood disorders take their medications regularly, chances are they will live a close-to-normal life.
Nevertheless, because of the fear of having a "shameful" condition, or of being labeled by society, many don't search out the help they so desperately need. What results is much unnecessary suffering by people who could otherwise have been helped.
In recent years much research has been done and doctors, mental health associations, societies and libraries can provide much information. Mood disorder self-support groups are an especially good source of information. Here we can find pertinent literature and discuss affective illnesses with others who have problems similar to our own.
As we come to terms with our disease we learn to understand how imperative medications and other treatments are - how they form the basis for our well-being. Once we have the physical aspects of our illness under control, we can prepare to take charge of our lives and make the most of the strengths we all have.
As we walk with our friends and acquaintances, we should walk with self-assurance. In that great family of individuals who suffer from personal problems, sicknesses, and handicaps, each of us is a unique yet ordinary member.

Note: I wrote the above ten years ago. It was utterly unthinkable to me that a person with bipolar disorder could manage without medication. I know it has never been possible for me. I also know that the majority of people with bipolar disorder that I come across - and I meet many in the work I do - medication is necessary if they are to function normally. However, I also know that in the blogs I've read there are a number of people who are making it without or with very little medication. I would not recommend trying to persevere without medical care at the cost of being unstable. Bipolar disorder can cause a lot of damage - to our finances, our relationships, our safety, and even the safety of those around us. It needs to be adequately managed. Medications can make a good, productive life possible.

Seroquel

I don't normally like to discuss medications. For one thing, I don't understand them very well - after all, I'm not a doctor or pharmacist. Another thing, I find all those names and different uses confusing. My head was not built to collect that kind of information.

But today I did feel moved to ask some questions from you, my readers. Is anyone taking seroquel? And how has it been for you?

Reason is: I have a friend who is on it and complains about being suicidal in the morning. Later in the day is somewhat better. She has been trying to come off it, but without luck so far. She appears to be addicted.

Tonight I was talking to someone else who has the same complaints. Takes seroquel, is suicidal every morning, and better in the afternoon. He can't manage to come off it. He blames the medication. Before seroquel he was depressed, but the suicidal thoughts are new.

So, please tell me about seroquel.