Tuesday, March 20, 2007

Not in gear after all

After many little recent glitches, I guess I've hit a true depression after all. It feels very much like a physiological thing: poor appetite, poor sleeping, and my whole body feels weary. I had promised I would look at everyone's blogs the way I normally like to, but when I tried I found I couldn't focus. I'll probably start on prozac today. Yesterday I saw my pdoc and I told him I wanted to use my own coping strategy instead of meds, but today I can see I do need medical help.

The worst of this is the feeling of shame and guilt that comes along with this thing. Worries that I won't be able to follow through on my commitments, or that I'll make a big mess of them. And the crazy thing - as you all know - is that while we bipolars are up we get ourselves into making a lot of commitments.

But I must keep trying to crawl out of this hole. I mustn't give up. One foot ahead of the other.

Living Room meets this Friday. Although I still look forward to it - need it more than ever now - I don't know if I should lead.

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