Sunday, April 13, 2008

Bubbling over

Yesterday I took a day off. I took a day for myself - just resting and reading. It was a beautiful feeling. I felt like I was on holidays. My husband was working all day so I was alone. No one interfered with the quiet solitude I had been craving for a while.

But I was a little high too. I often feel that way after a Living Room meeting. And the more alone I was with my thoughts, the more they started bubbling over. I didn't know what to do with myself. I needed to talk to someone. I so needed to share my feelings and thoughts with someone. How I longed to talk to my best friend who has been away for such a long time now! I tried to call my second best friend, another very important person to me, and she was out. Finally I called my pastor's wife, also a good friend, and was able to let some of those bubbles flow over her. I felt better after that.

I always feel such a need to share my thoughts and feelings with others. I'm sometimes embarrassed about how many emails I send to my pastor, though he has assured me he doesn't mind. (am so happy about that) Don't know if that's a bipolar thing or if it's just my personality. I guess that's what makes me a writer. It's important to me to communicate with others. Can't keep anything to myself. Guess that's an okay thing, isn't it?

If you're reading this and you're bipolar, do you feel that way as well? Do you also have a great need to express your thoughts to others? Do you also bubble over?

8 comments:

Paula Joy said...

Oh, goodness yes!! Before starting meds, I would email this one friend in particular with any kind of news! I felt like I wanted to communicate to her all the time! And, I am a writer, too, at heart. So, I don't know if it's the writer nature or the bipolar, but I do bubble over at times!! Since starting meds, however, I can much better restrain/control myself and I now email the important things. Maybe it's because I can now distinguish between what's worth sharing, and what is just my brain going manic over!! :)
Either way, I do understand where you are coming from!!!

Jenalexa said...

oh marja! Of course we love to bubble over as you put it!! you know me, especially. As a writer, and as a person with mood swings (Bipolar, if you wanna label it ;) it tends to happen the most in hypomanic or mixed states for me. my mind gets busy and full of ideas and i need to get them out on the blog before i lose my voice and make someone deaf talking so much! lol

my life with bipolar disorder said...

Marja, I thought I was the only one who send many long emails to my Pastor and friends. So, I am not the only one ;) But some of friends do get quite turn off by my long emails and few of them have time to read or reply. They are too busy.

I too feel the urge to write and share. That is why my blog has become so therapeutic to me. Sometimes I will still share with my Pastor and friends via emails. But mostly, I try to refrain nowadays. I am thankful that on my blog I can share freely and some people are reading and replying via their comments. Thanks for reading and commenting on my blog. I really appreciate your prayers and encouragements. Take care. Have a blessed week!

Bipolar Wellness Writer said...

Marja,
I used to "bubble over" until I realized it was a symptom of hypomania that few people appreciated. For the most part I've been able to tone down my hypomanias in a major way. So, they're just a little "fizz" instead of bubbles. And blogging works too. But you sound like you really enjoy the "bubbles," so it can't be all bad!

Susan

marja said...

Hi Paula, I'm on meds that help me in a terrific way. I normally don't get terribly high anymore. However, I still send many emails to my best friend and need to tell her everything. Same with another excellent friend. And my poor pastor gets lots of emails too, though he understands and has assured me that it's okay.

So...even when I don't bubble over, I have a great need to communicate. Though I must say, it's useful in some ways. I'm good at promotion.

marja said...

Hi Jena, Yes, we're so fortunate to have this technology that allows us to blog. ...and yet, it's good to have people to talk to in person too, isn't it?

marja said...

Nancie, I thank YOU too for visiting my blog so often and leaving comments. I have found that, though I send lots of emails to my pastor, they are now short and to the point. He is my support for Living Room and sort of oversees it, so many of my emails to him are useful for him to keep track of what I'm up to. It's so good to have someone like him to share that ministry with.

marja said...

Susan, The bubbles are nice, but only when there is some place for them to go, otherwise it's very hard to deal with them. Usually I'm hypomanic for a while before I realize it. Often my husband has to point it out to me.

Yesterday I mentioned to my pastor that I had been kind of high. "I've noticed," he said. I guess it showed through in my emails to him, though I myself was completely unaware. So...it's usually not anything I have total control over.