Too often lately my mood has come down and I haven't know what to do with myself. I reach out to friends but haven't found anyone who can alleviate my emotional pain. Over the past few days I've decided that at times like that I really need to pray more - to reach out to God in the way I reach out to my friends. God can help in a way no human can. My relationship with God needs a haul-over I think. So over the past couple of days I've journalled more. I've written "Dear God" letters.
Today as I once more tried to get myself over a hump I wrote to God and in the writing came to a discovery (a message from God I'm sure) that I've been awfully self-centered lately. It's when I think of the things that bother me, turning inward, that I feel the worst. I've been thinking very little about what's happening in my friends' lives.
I don't think I'm truly depressed. Just bothered by a few situational problems that have arisen. If I could only think of others more and not turn my thoughts inward so much, one would think I'd be able to avoid total depression. I'm hoping so.
Although turning inward is a natural part of depression, I feel kind of ashamed for letting myself fall into it. Don't get me wrong. I don't blame those who are truly in the midst of depression for not being able to be other-centered. When you're in pain it's pretty hard not to turn inward. Yet when I'm on the verge and I focus on others, getting my mind off myself, I should be able to avoid full depression.
Don't you think?
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4 comments:
Thanks! How timely...I just landed from my fight of mania and I'm fighting fatigue and colds...not sure which is causing which.
Glad you find this helpful, Mariposa. Thanks for visiting.
Dear Marja,
Sorry, you're under the weather. I think it's really difficult to think of others when we're feeling low.
I've been feeling the same way since last Wednesday. And while I could attend my gardening class, and go to a field trip to the nursery on Saturday, I don't feel like calling friends to chat.
I'm starting a five-week digital photography class tonight, and looking forward to that as well.
Do you ever do your artwork when you're feeling this way? Somehow, if I can switch to doing right brain activities, it makes me feel better.
And writing letters to God used to work for me. But, now I realize it's another left-brain activity, and I'm better off "doing" rather than thinking.
Susan
Hey, Susan! Don't worry about me. Yesterday, for a number of reasons, I came up again. So much is situational and how you deal with situations, eh?
I don't want to go into a lot of detail here about what brought me down this time, but my faith certainly helped me come up again.
Got to get to my pdoc to change my meds I think. I'm so unstable. But I can't get in to see him for another month.
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