Christmas peace

This year's Christmas time is so much better for me than the last several years have been. I'm so grateful. I can't tell you how happy I am about that.

You know, I think what's really helping is the gift my husband gave me last year. Not an ordinary kind of gift at all. He gave me permission not to celebrate Christmas.

I had been doing so poorly, struggling so much with depression, a depression that had started a couple of months before the Advent season. I was truly a mess. Out of concern my husband said to me: "Marja, we don't have to do Christmas this year. We won't send out cards, we won't decorate, you don't have to bake. All we'll do is buy a few gifts for our son and his wife and for your mom." It was such a release to hear him say that. To think I could just forget about all the stress and busyness.

The interesting thing that happened was that within days I started to want to do Christmassy things. We didn't do cards and we didn't put lights on the house. But I did bake a few of my favourite cookies. And we had a tree and decorated the house. I was free to do as I wished.

Then, lo and behold, I decided to make calendars for my friends, using my photographs and bits and pieces from the Psalms. Immersing myself in this creative effort gave me comfort. It took away stressful feelings, making me forget about everything else. I found refuge in the work and I ended up with some very creative gifts for a dozen friends.

I think one of the things that makes Christmas so hard is the expectations we have of ourselves and expectations we believe others have of us. It's that long series of "have to's" that make the season so stressful. Celebration needs to come from a heart that "wants to" celebrate. How else can we truly, with a happy heart, celebrate.

Christmas is a holy time. It's a time to worship. It's a time to love. It's a time to draw close to God and to each other. I'm finding myself wanting more quiet times than ever this year. And those quiet times interspersed between the busy times make the celebration even more enjoyable.

This year I'm enjoying every little thing. I'm busy, but not too busy. I'm taking the days one at a time, with some work and time with friends, and some quiet time to journal and pray, listen to music, or watch a Christmas movie on TV.

I pray that you, too, are able to celebrate the Advent season with a heart that is joyful and at peace. Try not to think about what you have to do, but what you want to do.