But an email I had received from Nancie about someone newly diagnosed with bipolar disorder aroused fresh passion in me.
In Nancie's words, "He has encountered much condemnation and misjudgment from his precious churches and Christian friends. He is very discouraged but yet know how important it is for him to find a good and supportive church, and to walk closely with the Lord. He is putting his trust in the Lord and learning to depend more upon Him. He is now in the midst of looking for a good church where there will be brothers and sisters who can love him with Christ's unconditional love and enable him to grow together with them."
Being bipolar myself and realizing the importance of supportive Christian friends, I felt I had to do something. I decided I needed to write again. I realized I was ready to write again. To empty the frustrations about all that is wrong. To try and encourage Christians to have empathy and learn how they can be supportive. To build some understanding. Though I can't have a seminar, I CAN write.
So yesterday I spent most of the day writing. It felt good. The words flowed freely. I was fulfilling the purpose God had given me life for - to help people with mental illness. There's a good chance this will be published on a Christian website that draws 1000 hits a day. They've been asking me for material.
Today I see my counselor and I'm not sure if she'll be particularly happy with me. She has been trying to tell me to not think so much about always doing for other people. To "dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture." (Psalm 37:3) My husband has been trying to tell me the same thing. And a friend at church who heard about the cancellation of the seminar said to me, "Maybe you should just live for a while."
But Psalm 37 also says to "Trust in the Lord and DO GOOD". How can I simply dwell in the land when there are things wrong with it, things that God leads me to bring improvement to? Now that I have written I feel much more secure, fulfilled, satisfied that I have done my part, through God's help, to make the land a safe one to dwell in.
Further along in Psalm 37, verses 5 and 6 say:
Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him and he will do this:
He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn,
the justice of your cause like the noonday sun.
Yes, I want to commit my ways to God and let Him lead. And I'm so glad He led me in such a clear way in this writing. This article may do a lot more good than a seminar would. Maybe cancelling the seminar was not such a bad thing.