Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Thank you God for forgiving

As you know, I've been dealing much with the effects of my disorder, the shame of sometimes saying or doing things I would not do if I were more balanced. But then, I guess everyone at some time or other does things they're not proud of. And yet...I feel I'm worse than those "everyones." Or is this an oncoming depression talking? Or am I being overly self-centered, thinking of me and my own concerns instead of the concerns of others? I'm sure if I were thinking of the needs of others I would not be worrying so much.

And yet the shame has been hard to deal with lately. I've had a hard time fully realizing that God forgives. I've had a hard time remembering that Jesus died on the cross for sins like mine. He took them all upon Himself and suffered an unimaginable death. I should be grateful! I should accept His forgiveness. I should thank Jesus! Why is it so hard to do that?

A couple of days ago I watched The Passion of the Christ, a gory depiction of all Jesus must have gone through. And I thought to myself, He did not have to do that. He did that out of obedience to His Father and out of His great love for us. What wonderfully great love!!!

Please God, help me to realize how much you love me and all of us, to have given up your Son to such a death, for our sakes. Help me to be thankful. Thank you, Jesus.


Coco said...

Thanks for sharing this Marja, I know how hard it is not to be hard on ourselves! I've been thinking of watching this movie recently so it's interesting that you should mention it. Thinking of you and hoping for some peace to come to you.

marja said...

Thanks, Coco. I have peace, but in bits and pieces. That's the bipolar life, isn't it? But God is good and I'm not that badly off.

Have you watched The Passion before? If not, you maybe should reconsider if you don't like to see a lot of violence. I don't like to see that, but wanted to truly get a sense of what Christ went through for us.

Coco said...

No I haven't seen it before, but have thought of finally getting to it. Thanks for the warning about the violence. I've heard it's pretty graphic but I'm not too bad with gore. It's just 'scary' stuff I can't do!

marja said...

The movie shows the kind of torture that criminals underwent before and during their crucifixion. And that would have happened to Christ as well. Really makes you appreciate what He went through.