Saturday, March 13, 2010

Trust and do good

Tonight I was once more overcome with regret for having bipolar disorder. I feel so bad for how it causes me to do things that I shouldn't do - my feelings, thoughts and actions not under control. I guess the main thing is how I lean so heavily on two or three people. Far too many emails. I imagine they must get quite tired of me. That makes me feel ashamed of myself.

As you know, I've been meditating on Psalm 37 for weeks now. And tonight I went to it again and found greater comfort there than usual.

Trust in the Lord and do good.

It's like a father telling his daughter, "Relax, don't worry, trust me. Do good and you'll be ok. Focus on doing good and don't worry about the rest."

Dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture.

"Grow where you're planted and enjoy your life. You're safe in my care," says my Lord. And I realize that I need to focus on the good I can do and not on the blunders so much. Do my best. That's all I can do.

Please, God help me to feel the comfort of your love, no matter how bad my disorder. And help me share that love with others.


Wendy Love said...

I hear your plight and fully understand your condition. Yes, it is upsetting when we feel out of control. What is there to like about us when we are like that? But you know what, it is not worse than all of the other things that all of the other people do wrong. We all fall short, one way or the other. Try not to be so hard on yourself. You are just another broken vessel. God is using you. We are all broken. You are not more broken than the rest, just broken in a different way. I am praying for you.
Wendy Love

marja said...

Oh Wendy, Thank you so much. I so needed to hear that. Thank you for your prayers.

More Than Conquerors said...

Dear Marja,

This is our continuing struggle. Our brokenness and failures trouble us from time to time. Others also struggle in their different ways. I know it's hard and we feel miserable but try not to be too hard on yourself. Wendy said it so well. We are all broken people and none of us is whole. We are broken in different ways. It is our brokenness that often make us cast ourselves wholely upon our Lord. We know that there is healing in Him and we live each day by His grace. May you know His love and healing day by day.

With love in Christ and prayers,

marja said...


Thank you for your comforting words. Yes, I have to try and let go of the bad feelings and accept God's forgiveness. My friend forgave me, I just have to forgive myself now.

Love, marja

Spin Original said...

Before I moved, there was one person there that I went to ALL the time. I also felt guilty ALL the time.

About 1.5 ago, I got new people. Two of them. I still felt guilty about going to them until he put things into perspective by one simple statement, "It's my 'job' to help you."

Don't think of it as a job kind of job. Rather, it is a purpose. One of the reasons these two people are in my life is to teach me, comfort me, listen to me, and love me genuinely.

The same is true with your friends. GOD PUT THEM in your life. They have a purpose. Part of their purpose is to support you so that you can do the work that God has called you to do. That doesn't mean take advantage of them, but it does mean that you allowing them to help you is, in turn, allowing them to use their spiritual gifts and fulfil part of their purpose in life.

Look at them as Jesus with a face. When you've talked to your Father and sat in His presence, then talking to those God put in your life is totally okay. In fact, God planned it that way.

(Yes, this comment was totally for my own benefit, too!)

Spin Original said...

P.S You are also in their lives for a reason. The Bible calls us to edify each other. Ask God to show you how you can minister to them.

marja said...

Dear Spin,

Thank you for those comforting words. Yes, but I just hope these friends will see it that way. And I do hope I'm contributing something to their lives as well. I've always thought a supportive relationship should go two ways. I pray that I will be able to be there for them in THEIR need as well.

Good to know I'm not the only one going through this.

Love, marja