Wednesday, March 03, 2010

Submitting to God

It has been a long time since I wrote here but an email from Nancie reminded me how good blogging can be for me. And I do want to share some things.

I've been going through a lot of ups and downs, mostly brought about through plans I had for Living Room that I just haven't been able to bring about. Things standing in my way, though that's probably a good thing too. Maybe the timing was not as God would have wanted. Yet I've felt a lot of frustration and that brought me down.

My pastor, my husband, and friends have mentioned to me that maybe my identity is too wound up in Living Room. It has become as though I AM Living Room. It's hard to think of anything else. And yet isn't that what dedication means? I've dedicated my life to Living Room and to work for a better world for people with mental illness. It's what I live for. It's the work God gave me to do.

And yet, says one good friend, the thing I should value most is my relationship with God. That's what I should work on more than anything else. That should come first, before the work. I know she's right.

Over this past week I've had to learn to submit to God more than I have. To not get so frustrated if things don't go my way as quickly as I want them to. To "dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture," as David said in Psalm 37. I've meditated much on that Psalm over the past while and have come to a more restful place within myself.

Trouble with me is that I'm not good at resting. Psalm 23 is not my favourite. I don't like to be made to "lie down in green pastures." And yet, as my good friend tried to convince me when I was fighting so hard, "Remember to gaze on God's face." Not easy to do when you like to work hard and there's so much you see that needs to be done.

"Delight yourself in the Lord," says Psalm 37, "and he will give you the desires of your heart." I had forgotten how to delight in the Lord - so caught up in my own agenda. It's still not easy. I'm still struggling. Am off on another tangent now. But I'm praying that God will be with me in this work. That God will be in this work - through and through. And that I will never forget to pray and ask his Holy Spirit to guide me, one step at a time. Me following, not leading.


Coco said...

What a wonderful post Marja, thanks for sharing this :)

marja said...

Thanks, Coco. I already feel good about having posted.

Spin Original said...

I was wondering how you are doing since you haven't posted in a while.

It's great to hear from you.

I pray that BEING will become more natural than DOING.

Love you!

marja said...

Hey Spin!

Yeah, that's it in a nutshell, isn't it? Being first, then doing.

Love you too!

More Than Conquerors said...

Dear Marja,

This is a lovely post! I can identify with you. I too love to work hard and there is always so many things to do! Everything seems important!

But I am beginning to realize more and more that I need to spend more time with the Lord. And good qualitative time. I need to feel His love for me, His peace and guidance in the midst of the many things I want to do for Him. I have been reading John 15 and learning afresh the need to abide in Christ in order to enjoy a close fellowship with our Lord and be fruitful for Him.

I am glad you posted. You are missed! I am keeping you in prayers. May our Lord bless and guide you as you rest in Him daily. Take care!

With love and prayers,

Wendy Love said...

Hi Marja,
Good to see you back online Marja. Sorry to hear about your struggles.... It is hard to discern which of our struggles are regular life struggles that everyone goes through and which ones are totally because of the bipolar. That is the challenge for me at least. No matter what kinds of struggles though, I have always found God to be faithful. That is the one thing I can count on when my own moods change all the time - that our God is the same yesterday, today and forever.

marja said...

Thank you, Nancie,

Unreal how alike we are, eh? Enjoying fellowship with God is the best way to ensure that we're fruitful for Him, isn't it? The only way we'll know we're doing His will. We really do have to stay close.

Love, marja

marja said...

Hi Wendy,

Glad to be back. It felt good to share that post. Although the struggles I've been experiencing might not be bipolar struggles, I believe they probably affect me in a stronger way than they would someone who is not.

Will have to go over and visit your site - and everyone's site - real soon.

Laura Peroni said...

my sister told me that I can be frustrated with God and yet not sin, that was very reliefing for me because the core of frustration is that deep inside me I feel anger and that anger is against God, but I can trust in his word that no matter how my emotions go and no matter how angry I feel about myself and about Him; His Love doesn't change. That was a firm place to stay for me

marja said...

Hi Laura,

Yes. And maybe when you accept that He loves you, no matter what, you will stop feeling so angry with Him. Do you think?

Good to know that God doesn't change, eh?

Love, marja