First of all, I want to thank Desiree and Terri for your very encouraging comments on my last post. They were so good to receive.
I feel bad that I haven't posted much lately. Nor have I visited others' sites. The reason is that I've been feeling overwhelmed and exhausted. I've been into a space where I've been doubting myself, not able to see how I could possibly manage all the work I've taken on. I've felt like I might be on the brink of another depression.
My friends have comforted me with extra attention and support. They have been praying for me and with me. This has helped me not to be fearful, but hopeful, trusting that God will help me turn this around.
But a couple of days ago I discovered the source of my fatigue and slight depression. I'm quite sure that it's mostly due to sleep deprivation. The many cups of coffee I drink throughout the day, combined with the stimulant medication I take, has meant that I've only been getting six hours of sleep per night. For over three months I've been getting up by 5 am every morning. I never complained because I enjoy the early rising - such a wonderful opportunity for a long quiet time before I need to start the day. But maybe I need a lot more rest than I've been getting.
I took a friend's advice and started drinking mostly decaf coffee. After only one day of this, I'm already feeling a difference. I feel less tired and more able to do my work. I'm more relaxed - more calm. Amazing!
I think my prayers and the prayers of my friends have been answered.
Monday, October 01, 2007
Wednesday, September 26, 2007
A "Living Room" testimony
I was delighted today to receive an email from one of our Living Room support group members which she had sent to a bunch of her friends. I'll share a portion of it here:
"When I told her (a friend) about my support group for mood disorders and what a blessing it was, she asked ('and don't be offended,' she added) 'isn't that depressing to be around a bunch of crazy people?' I said, 'No way, it's a safe place to support each other in our common brokenness and to realize you're not the only one to feel this way. In that setting, I've learned that it's an invisible disease but not any different than diabetes is and to dispel the stigma and shame that's associated with mental illness. I'm learning that my condition is not a curse but could be a blessing. In my lows I get a sense of what emotional pain people can go through (especially my dad). When I'm manic I get so much accomplished and feel so inspired and creative.'
"Interesting to know that our facilitator marja bergen wrote on the same subject on her blog that I read the day before: learning to empathize with people who are so in the dark about the subject and to try to understand where they're coming from - not to be easily offended as we're trying to get them to understand us - basically having grace towards them, as others have extended grace to us.
"I encouraged (my friend) to google bp to find out more and to check out marja's blog. I think that marja's desire to dispel the stigma of our disease is rubbing off on me. In my small way I'm trying to educate others that I come across and it's amazing how when you share your vulnerabilities people often open up about themselves and about the people that are close to them that suffer from mental illness."
I am grateful to this person for sharing this with her friends, and now with my blogging pals. You have encouraged me, J.
A reminder: If you are interested in learning how to set up a faith-based Living Room support group in your church, I have manuals available to help you do this. Cost for US residents is $9.75 and for those in Canada it's $8.25. This includes postage and handling. Contact me at info@candidsbymarja.com.
"When I told her (a friend) about my support group for mood disorders and what a blessing it was, she asked ('and don't be offended,' she added) 'isn't that depressing to be around a bunch of crazy people?' I said, 'No way, it's a safe place to support each other in our common brokenness and to realize you're not the only one to feel this way. In that setting, I've learned that it's an invisible disease but not any different than diabetes is and to dispel the stigma and shame that's associated with mental illness. I'm learning that my condition is not a curse but could be a blessing. In my lows I get a sense of what emotional pain people can go through (especially my dad). When I'm manic I get so much accomplished and feel so inspired and creative.'
"Interesting to know that our facilitator marja bergen wrote on the same subject on her blog that I read the day before: learning to empathize with people who are so in the dark about the subject and to try to understand where they're coming from - not to be easily offended as we're trying to get them to understand us - basically having grace towards them, as others have extended grace to us.
"I encouraged (my friend) to google bp to find out more and to check out marja's blog. I think that marja's desire to dispel the stigma of our disease is rubbing off on me. In my small way I'm trying to educate others that I come across and it's amazing how when you share your vulnerabilities people often open up about themselves and about the people that are close to them that suffer from mental illness."
I am grateful to this person for sharing this with her friends, and now with my blogging pals. You have encouraged me, J.
A reminder: If you are interested in learning how to set up a faith-based Living Room support group in your church, I have manuals available to help you do this. Cost for US residents is $9.75 and for those in Canada it's $8.25. This includes postage and handling. Contact me at info@candidsbymarja.com.
Wednesday, September 19, 2007
Understanding people who do not understand
First of all I need to answer Syd's questions in her comment to my last post. (Doing it here to make sure she sees it.) I belong to a small congregation of about 150 members. It belongs to the Christian and Missionary Alliance of Canada (Alliance for short). The two distinctives of our denomination are that of leading people into a personal relationship with Jesus Christ and sending people out around the world to tell others about the good news of God's love for them.
In the last post I talked about how my congregation learned to understand and support people with mental illness. I think one important thing that helps me when I try to educate and help people understand mental health issues - whether it's in my writing or meeting with them - is that I try hard to understand the people who don't yet understand.
I believe we need to go further than just believing that people need to understand US. We need to understand THEM as well. Understanding works best when it goes two ways. We should understand EACH OTHER. That means that we who live with mental illness should also have some empathy for people who are well but need encouragement to grow in their understanding of what mental illness is and isn't. We need to have some patience with them and educate them gradually. Their learning will be a process - a step-by-step cutting through the stigma that is so heavily ingrained.
We want healthy people to be able to put themselves in our place and have empathy; but we who live with mental illness also need to try to put ourselves in their place and understand why they have trouble having that empathy. We need to understand how to build empathy where it doesn't presently exist. And we need to have patience for the process, not getting angry or frustrated, having enough self-esteem to believe that we can change things.
When we have empathy for the people who are in the dark about mental illnesses like bipolar disorder, when we understand why they don't have compassion, and when we can love them nevertheless, we can start changing things.
It's a matter of believing in ourselves enough so that we feel no shame or guilt. People will then not be able to hurt us as much by their misunderstanding attitudes. We can learn to ignore snubs and not return them with the same. When people have trouble reaching out to us, we can reach out to them. We need to introduce people gently and gradually to the knowledge of what it means to have an illness like we have. We must not internalize the stigma. We must not accept the stigma, but live as though it doesn't exist.
I don't know if this is possible for everyone. From what I've heard from others, it appears not. Perhaps it's been possible for me because of my decision ten years ago to start educating the public by writing about my illness, trying to build empathy and compassion. Reducing the stigma of mental illness has been my main objective in life ever since. Perhaps that's why I've been able to help build compassion in my church. I have learned not to be hurt by people who don't understand me.
I believe that most people want to have compassion. They only need to understand our illnesses better. For that to happen, the stigma that produces fear in people and makes them avoid learning about it needs to be reduced. And the only way to reduce stigma is for people to talk openly about it. When we make mental illness a natural thing to talk about, it's amazing how many people with such problems will come out of the woodwork. It's amazing how much more support can be built.
I thank God that in my church mental health issues have become an okay thing to talk about - something for which we don't need to feel shame. And how freeing that is!
In the last post I talked about how my congregation learned to understand and support people with mental illness. I think one important thing that helps me when I try to educate and help people understand mental health issues - whether it's in my writing or meeting with them - is that I try hard to understand the people who don't yet understand.
I believe we need to go further than just believing that people need to understand US. We need to understand THEM as well. Understanding works best when it goes two ways. We should understand EACH OTHER. That means that we who live with mental illness should also have some empathy for people who are well but need encouragement to grow in their understanding of what mental illness is and isn't. We need to have some patience with them and educate them gradually. Their learning will be a process - a step-by-step cutting through the stigma that is so heavily ingrained.
We want healthy people to be able to put themselves in our place and have empathy; but we who live with mental illness also need to try to put ourselves in their place and understand why they have trouble having that empathy. We need to understand how to build empathy where it doesn't presently exist. And we need to have patience for the process, not getting angry or frustrated, having enough self-esteem to believe that we can change things.
When we have empathy for the people who are in the dark about mental illnesses like bipolar disorder, when we understand why they don't have compassion, and when we can love them nevertheless, we can start changing things.
It's a matter of believing in ourselves enough so that we feel no shame or guilt. People will then not be able to hurt us as much by their misunderstanding attitudes. We can learn to ignore snubs and not return them with the same. When people have trouble reaching out to us, we can reach out to them. We need to introduce people gently and gradually to the knowledge of what it means to have an illness like we have. We must not internalize the stigma. We must not accept the stigma, but live as though it doesn't exist.
I don't know if this is possible for everyone. From what I've heard from others, it appears not. Perhaps it's been possible for me because of my decision ten years ago to start educating the public by writing about my illness, trying to build empathy and compassion. Reducing the stigma of mental illness has been my main objective in life ever since. Perhaps that's why I've been able to help build compassion in my church. I have learned not to be hurt by people who don't understand me.
I believe that most people want to have compassion. They only need to understand our illnesses better. For that to happen, the stigma that produces fear in people and makes them avoid learning about it needs to be reduced. And the only way to reduce stigma is for people to talk openly about it. When we make mental illness a natural thing to talk about, it's amazing how many people with such problems will come out of the woodwork. It's amazing how much more support can be built.
I thank God that in my church mental health issues have become an okay thing to talk about - something for which we don't need to feel shame. And how freeing that is!
Saturday, September 15, 2007
Helping a church become supportive
Susan Bernard's last post prompts me to talk a bit about how my church became as supportive as it has towards people with mental health problems. In the comments Susan and Sydney say how they wish they could find a place of worship like mine. I'm hoping that this post will help you understand that this support has only grown gradually, over time. I had to educate members of the congregation and they needed to have time to get to know me and come to understand what my illness does to me.
When I first started going to this church, I too felt lonely. It took time to get to know people and start feeling comfortable. But there was one woman who took it on herself to talk to me Sunday mornings. She invited me to a ladies' group she led and I came to know people there. Because of the heart-felt discussions we had, I ended up telling them about my mental health problems.
Soon after I started attending, I decided to visit the pastor. I wanted him to know of my problems. If anything were to go wrong with me I wanted him to be aware. I wanted him to understand. I gave him a copy of Riding the Roller Coaster, telling him how I wanted to help reduce the stigma attached to mental illness. Several months later I had a meeting with him and his wife and gave them a gift of a photograph I made, together with a story I wrote describing how I found God. We talked a little more about my disorder and the three of us prayed together. My pastor always asked God to help him learn more about mental illness through me. (pretty neat, eh?)
Being a big letter writer, I ended up emailing my pastor often when I was going through my moods. I tend to be a very spiritual person and have a great need to express my feelings about God and how I experience him (as you have seen on this blog). My pastor came to know me quite well. Many emails went to my ladies' group leader as well. She ended up becoming my best friend, my best supporter, my sister, my mother, my mentor - all rolled into one. These two individuals have helped me grow in a huge way.
At church, occasional readings about my life followed. My struggles were now common knowledge. Yet I had lots of friends. I loved them and I felt loved in return. After one of my readings, a number of church members came up to me and shared some of their own problems with me. It felt good to connect in that way. I wanted people like these to have a place where they could freely share more of their pain with others who would understand. And so the plan for a Living Room support group was born.
Today, when someone in the church is known to have an emotional problem, they are introduced to me because it is believed that I will understand and be able to give support. (It happens very frequently.) I'm not sure how I feel about that. I do like supporting people, but somehow I wish that some of the healthier people would not be afraid to do the supporting as well.
The wonderful thing is this: with Living Room as an important part of our ministry, people in our church are less worried about being open about their mental health struggles. Living Room is often talked about. I don't think people feel too much shame being connected with it. I know I don't. And I think in turn, others don't either. This is what true church support should look like.
When I first started going to this church, I too felt lonely. It took time to get to know people and start feeling comfortable. But there was one woman who took it on herself to talk to me Sunday mornings. She invited me to a ladies' group she led and I came to know people there. Because of the heart-felt discussions we had, I ended up telling them about my mental health problems.
Soon after I started attending, I decided to visit the pastor. I wanted him to know of my problems. If anything were to go wrong with me I wanted him to be aware. I wanted him to understand. I gave him a copy of Riding the Roller Coaster, telling him how I wanted to help reduce the stigma attached to mental illness. Several months later I had a meeting with him and his wife and gave them a gift of a photograph I made, together with a story I wrote describing how I found God. We talked a little more about my disorder and the three of us prayed together. My pastor always asked God to help him learn more about mental illness through me. (pretty neat, eh?)
Being a big letter writer, I ended up emailing my pastor often when I was going through my moods. I tend to be a very spiritual person and have a great need to express my feelings about God and how I experience him (as you have seen on this blog). My pastor came to know me quite well. Many emails went to my ladies' group leader as well. She ended up becoming my best friend, my best supporter, my sister, my mother, my mentor - all rolled into one. These two individuals have helped me grow in a huge way.
At church, occasional readings about my life followed. My struggles were now common knowledge. Yet I had lots of friends. I loved them and I felt loved in return. After one of my readings, a number of church members came up to me and shared some of their own problems with me. It felt good to connect in that way. I wanted people like these to have a place where they could freely share more of their pain with others who would understand. And so the plan for a Living Room support group was born.
Today, when someone in the church is known to have an emotional problem, they are introduced to me because it is believed that I will understand and be able to give support. (It happens very frequently.) I'm not sure how I feel about that. I do like supporting people, but somehow I wish that some of the healthier people would not be afraid to do the supporting as well.
The wonderful thing is this: with Living Room as an important part of our ministry, people in our church are less worried about being open about their mental health struggles. Living Room is often talked about. I don't think people feel too much shame being connected with it. I know I don't. And I think in turn, others don't either. This is what true church support should look like.
Monday, September 10, 2007
Finding meaning in a life with bipolar disorder
A while ago I had an article published on www.canadianchristianity.com with the above title. The first person to comment did not like my view at all, arguing that: "It's bad. It's a defect in our brain functioning. There is no gift from God about it. Mental illness is bad"
I wondered whether I had gone too far with finding good in it. But today I once more looked into Harold Koenig's Faith and Mental Health and found that this doctor and author whom I respect, says some very similar things:
"A religious perspective on mental illness can lighten the burden by emphasizing that even these dreaded conditions have the possibility of good. Pain, suffering and fear associated with mental illness are not experiences that anyone would seek after. However, what does a person do if he or she has such a condition?"
"In order to survive and maximize quality of life, it may help to adopt a religious view that sees mental illness as having a special meaning or purpose-that something good may someday result from the illness. Religious faith makes it possible for people to see their illnesses as serving a higher purpose.
"Religious faith may help to transform a person's view of his or her illness. Although not easy, it is possible to view mental illness as a gift that not only helps to deepen and sensitize the person who has it, but also can serve a key role in the 'formation' of our faith communities.
"From this perspective, mental illness can have at least three purposes. It can
And for you who have doubts, I can tell you that your mental illness CAN be like a gift, though not one you would ask for or one you would just love to receive. Yet if you believe in God's love and trust him, you will find out that "...in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." Romans 8:28
And...standing on my evangelical preaching stool...I will tell you that this can happen for you too. TRUST God, BELIEVE what the Bible tells you (it really makes a lot of sense), hold up Jesus as your example to LOVE OTHERS and to LOVE GOD, and believe that Jesus took all the bad stuff we have done - sacrificing his life for us. WE ARE FORGIVEN and free to live the kind of life God means for us to live. And living that kind life is not a burden - it is actually very freeing and brings great joy.
Honest!! I promise.
I wondered whether I had gone too far with finding good in it. But today I once more looked into Harold Koenig's Faith and Mental Health and found that this doctor and author whom I respect, says some very similar things:
"A religious perspective on mental illness can lighten the burden by emphasizing that even these dreaded conditions have the possibility of good. Pain, suffering and fear associated with mental illness are not experiences that anyone would seek after. However, what does a person do if he or she has such a condition?"
"In order to survive and maximize quality of life, it may help to adopt a religious view that sees mental illness as having a special meaning or purpose-that something good may someday result from the illness. Religious faith makes it possible for people to see their illnesses as serving a higher purpose.
"Religious faith may help to transform a person's view of his or her illness. Although not easy, it is possible to view mental illness as a gift that not only helps to deepen and sensitize the person who has it, but also can serve a key role in the 'formation' of our faith communities.
"From this perspective, mental illness can have at least three purposes. It can
- sensitize the emotionally or mentally ill person to the pain and suffering of others, uniquely equipping them with the insight and ability to help;
- draw the sufferer closer to God or deepen their spirituality; and
- challenge those in the faith community to support and include him or her as an integral part of the congregation."
And for you who have doubts, I can tell you that your mental illness CAN be like a gift, though not one you would ask for or one you would just love to receive. Yet if you believe in God's love and trust him, you will find out that "...in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." Romans 8:28
And...standing on my evangelical preaching stool...I will tell you that this can happen for you too. TRUST God, BELIEVE what the Bible tells you (it really makes a lot of sense), hold up Jesus as your example to LOVE OTHERS and to LOVE GOD, and believe that Jesus took all the bad stuff we have done - sacrificing his life for us. WE ARE FORGIVEN and free to live the kind of life God means for us to live. And living that kind life is not a burden - it is actually very freeing and brings great joy.
Honest!! I promise.
Friday, September 07, 2007
The manuals are here!
After a lot of work, checking and re-checking, having checked by others, having them professionally edited and then beautifully printed, the two manuals are finally finished. They're sitting in open boxes in our hallway, where I can look at them as I pass and feel good about it all. I've received a lot of interest from people who want to have copies. How gratifying! And when I think of how much good this could end up doing...!
I promised to let you know the cost of these books (though they're only 20 and 24 pages, they're more than just booklets).
Creating Living Room helps people with mood disorders and church leaders learn the Living Room concept and how to set up a group. Cost: $2.50
Facilitating Living Room gives facilitators guidance and encouragement. Cost: $3.25.
Cost of postage and handling for one book or the two together is the same. Within Canada: $2.50. To the US: $4.00. That's under $10 for the two. We're only covering our costs.
If you would like to receive one or both copies, please email your name and address to me. An invoice will be included with your mailing. I'm Marja at info@candidsbymarja.com
Wednesday, September 05, 2007
Spiritual influence on our mental well-being
First of all, I want to very much thank Mel, David, Sarah (an ever so big welcome back to you) and Princess Heidi for your comments on my last post. Princess Heidi, I will come and visit your new blog soon. You're so lucky to have a dad who will help you with that.
I've been meaning for a while to draw from Harold Koenig's book, Faith & Mental Health, and share with you some of the treasures of thinking and understanding I have found there.
Koenig tells of nearly 500 studies during the twentieth century that reported statistically significant associations between religion and mental health. (478 out of 724 studies) (page 133)
He lists and explains ten ways in which religion could improve mental health. Religion:
- Promotes a positive worldview
- Helps to make sense of difficult situations
- Gives purpose and meaning
- Discourages maladaptive coping
- Enhances social support
- Promotes other-directedness
- Helps to release the need for control
- Provides and encourages forgiveness
- Encourages thankfulness
- Provides hope.
Good, non-judgmental Christian support is very important for those who suffer from mental illness. People with such illnesses need Christ-like love, so they will be encouraged in their faith - so they will benefit from their faith as described in the ten points listed above.
And I'm going to, once more, mention Living Room, the support group I facilitate. I am fortunate to have the support of my entire church. The church considers this one of its most important ministries. Many people are finding support - the kind of support only a faith-based group can offer. We are helping people put their trust in God. We are helping people have hope. Knowing this gives me joy and helps keep my own mental health strong. If this were only possible for more of those who suffer!
Christians CAN help people with mental illness. I believe they want to; they only have to know how. They need the tools. They need the understanding.
Now you're probably getting tired of hearing about this, but now that my Living Room manuals are coming out, I am on a quest to see more groups start up. If you are interested in learning how to set up a Living Room group in your church, email me at info@candidsbymarja.com. When the manuals come out, I can send you copies of a manual that explains the concept (good for pastors to see) as well as a guide for facilitators. When I get them back from the printer I will be able to let you know the cost.
Saturday, September 01, 2007
Anger at Living Room
No, we didn't get angry at our Living Room group yesterday. We only discussed anger - anger with God in particular.The discussion started with the question, "Do you ever feel angry or frustrated with God for your suffering with mood disorder?" Some people did feel that way and we talked a bit about how such frustration, if we hang on to it for too long, will lead to bitterness and separation from God.
We talked about Job and how he riled against God and asked God to explain why he allowed such terrible things to happen to him. But God answered him "...out of the storm...I will question you, and you shall answer me." Job 38:1-3. In other words, it's not our place to question God; it's the other way around. In Job 38:4 - 41:34 the most beautiful poetry follows with God expressing how awesome he truly is. God does so in a long series of powerful rhetorical questions: "Where were you when I laid the earth's foundation?...Who marked off its dimensions?..." And in 42:5-6, Job replies, "My ears had heard of you but now my eyes have seen you. (so vivid is the picture God paints) Therefore I despise myself and repent in dust and ashes."
Looking at the Psalms we saw how David was frequently frustrated with God. But in almost all cases, he doesn't stay there. At the end of his lamentations, he turns to expressions of hope and praise. We played a song by Brian Doerksen based on Psalm 13 - a beautifully sensitive prayer that I think touched us all deeply.
Our conclusion? It's often difficult to trust God when we're in the midst of depression. Sometimes the best thing to do is to turn to a Christian friend who we trust, a friend who will have faith for us until we recover.
(A reminder: If you think you might like to set up a Living Room group at your church, I can send you manuals - tools to get you started. email me at info@candidsbymarja.com to order. The manuals are at the printer.)
Wednesday, August 29, 2007
Good things about depression
I've had Susan Bernard's post on depression open for days, intending to add some thoughts it stirred up in me. But I've been too lazy to use my head for a while and have - I'm sorry - had to put off blogging for a while. But today is the day I will try to address it.
Susan quotes from a book by Jonathan Zeuss, M.D.:
"Depression is a quest for vision; its essence is transformation. Depression wells up and encompasses us for a time in a state of painful, dream-saturated formlessness, but its true purpose is to provide the opportunity for healing insight, renewal, and reintegration..."
One of my favorite books on depression is New Light on Depression by Harold G. Koenig, M.D. and David B. Biebel, D. Min. Much of the book deals with depression from a Christian perspective. I think it's Biebel who said, "...depression's saving grace is not that it can be conquered but that it puts depressed persons of faith in touch with deeper truths about reality, spirituality, and themselves than might otherwise be known." (Yes, I think I understand more about life than those for whom life has been easier.)
He goes on to say - and this is a little bit of a different positive angle I can really relate to:
"Having one's capacity for serenity and joy restored is little compensation for the agony of despair, much less the 'despair beyond despair.' The only true compensation for depression has to do with the sense of purpose and fulfillment that comes from redemptive involvement with others in distress, sharing the comfort we've experienced. This is the true route to joy."
In my own way, I've found a purpose that I probably would not have had, were it not for my bouts with the effects of bipolar disorder - especially the depression. I've come to think of depression as fodder, something bad out of which good can come. Though I suffer as much as anyone while I'm going through it, I know it will help me to help others. And helping others IS "the true route to joy." It truly is.
Susan quotes from a book by Jonathan Zeuss, M.D.:
"Depression is a quest for vision; its essence is transformation. Depression wells up and encompasses us for a time in a state of painful, dream-saturated formlessness, but its true purpose is to provide the opportunity for healing insight, renewal, and reintegration..."
One of my favorite books on depression is New Light on Depression by Harold G. Koenig, M.D. and David B. Biebel, D. Min. Much of the book deals with depression from a Christian perspective. I think it's Biebel who said, "...depression's saving grace is not that it can be conquered but that it puts depressed persons of faith in touch with deeper truths about reality, spirituality, and themselves than might otherwise be known." (Yes, I think I understand more about life than those for whom life has been easier.)
He goes on to say - and this is a little bit of a different positive angle I can really relate to:
"Having one's capacity for serenity and joy restored is little compensation for the agony of despair, much less the 'despair beyond despair.' The only true compensation for depression has to do with the sense of purpose and fulfillment that comes from redemptive involvement with others in distress, sharing the comfort we've experienced. This is the true route to joy."
In my own way, I've found a purpose that I probably would not have had, were it not for my bouts with the effects of bipolar disorder - especially the depression. I've come to think of depression as fodder, something bad out of which good can come. Though I suffer as much as anyone while I'm going through it, I know it will help me to help others. And helping others IS "the true route to joy." It truly is.
4:15 am - ever earlier
Good morning. It's 5:10 am and I've been up for almost an hour. Every day I seem to be getting up earlier - no need for more sleep. I've been getting about six hours sleep a night yet don't seem to need more, except for one or two brief naps during the day.
This is kind of nice. It makes for long, fruitful days. Yet I worry a bit about it as well. This is not normal, is it? Good thing is that I do feel tired at the end of the day - ready for sleep by ten o'clock. Though I'm very busy and active, I don't feel like I'm high.
The long mornings are wonderful though. Those early hours are the best part of my day. Lots of time to sit in my comfortable leather chair with a cup of coffee, just mulling things over. Time to journal, read my Bible - though I don't do enough of that, and pray - though I don't do enough of that either.
But, to tell the truth, I am a bit worried about these early risings - these short nights. It's not normal, is it? I'll try and get in to see my pdoc next week and go over this with him. About time to see him anyways.
This is kind of nice. It makes for long, fruitful days. Yet I worry a bit about it as well. This is not normal, is it? Good thing is that I do feel tired at the end of the day - ready for sleep by ten o'clock. Though I'm very busy and active, I don't feel like I'm high.
The long mornings are wonderful though. Those early hours are the best part of my day. Lots of time to sit in my comfortable leather chair with a cup of coffee, just mulling things over. Time to journal, read my Bible - though I don't do enough of that, and pray - though I don't do enough of that either.
But, to tell the truth, I am a bit worried about these early risings - these short nights. It's not normal, is it? I'll try and get in to see my pdoc next week and go over this with him. About time to see him anyways.
Friday, August 24, 2007
Creating living room (part two)
This cover is really much more clear and sharp in reality. I think I must have done something wrong technically to make it look so bad.
I want to share with you a bit about how neat a thing Living Room is - some of the things I cover in my new manual.
Living Room is a Christian self-help group for people with depression, anxiety and bipolar disorders. Ideally facilitators should have one of these problems; they will be better able to identify - better able to support. The group is in partnership with a mood disorder association. This helps avoid the danger of trying to spiritualize the problems too much - something Christian groups need to watch out for.
Neat thing is: "You get help, you give help, and - in the process - help yourself."
It's obvious how participants can benefit from this place where they can share with others their troubles, at the same time discussing their faith. Finding out they're not alone helps them gather encouragement and strength.
But how does the church benefit?
- The church responds to Christ's call to love and help people in need.
- It helps people who are often shunned in the community.
- It helps break down the stigma of mental illness by promoting prayer and support for the participants.
- It helps make mental illness an acceptable topic of conversation, encouraging others to be open about their struggles and search out treatment and support.
- It gives members of the congregation opportunities to gain a better understanding about mental health issues.
There are many stories - too many to share here. But I feel a passion for this program and think it needs to extend to communities everywhere. Yet I know it will take time. People have to feel free to share their problems with the disorder with their church family.
Once again, I offer this manual to you. Even if you're not ready to start up, I believe it will be an inspiration that will help you see what is possible when there is a place where people can freely talk about their mental health difficulties in the light of their faith.
To order a copy - at my cost - email me at info@candidsbymarja.com
Thursday, August 23, 2007
Creating living room
Those of you who have been coming to this site for a while will remember that I've been writing manuals to help people who want to set up a faith-based support group. Manual number one, which describes the Living Room support group concept, is pretty well ready to go to press. I "only" have to sort out some funding issues.
But things are looking good. In fact a Christian organization that supports people with disabilities and mental illness has expressed an interest in sending copies to a large number of pastors, with a letter promoting the idea. I am happy about this.
When you are doing work God truly wants you to do - with a positive and prayerful spirit - things do come together. ...and what a joy it is to see that happen!
Manual number two, the facilitator's guide, is also ready to go. I just haven't decided yet how to produce it. The first manual will be an attractive booklet with a glossy cover (see above). We can afford that since we will probably need to print a lot to cover the order we will get from the organization I described above. The facilitator's manual may end up in a report cover, but still with an attractive color cover.
This first manual, Creating Living Room, is for church leaders and people with mood disorders who want to know how they could set up an outreach group like this in their church. If you would like me to mail you a copy, please email me at info@candidsbymarja.com. I will let you know when it's ready and the cost. (I will only charge my cost for printing and mailing.) You may want to get the facilitator's manual at the same time.
Saturday, August 18, 2007
Bitter or better?
Thank you Anonymous Mom, Susan, and Tery for your comments on my last post.
You're right, Tery, the symptoms of bipolar disorder are not fun. In fact they can be unbearable at times. But the question is - what kind of person do you become as a result? If you don't become bitter, you become better. (I'm quoting someone here, but not sure who.) I truly believe that. If we can survive the storms and fires of life we end up becoming stronger people. We end up with a lot to offer. We end up joyful and at peace, in spite of it.
I'm 61 years old and have lived with bipolar disorder for over forty years. Since I began relying on God at the age of 42 (as the result of a bipolar crisis), I have gradually become stronger. Many things came into play as part of this life of faith:
Eugene Peterson's paraphrased version of the Bible says this: "...every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good." (Romans 8:28)
You're right, Tery, the symptoms of bipolar disorder are not fun. In fact they can be unbearable at times. But the question is - what kind of person do you become as a result? If you don't become bitter, you become better. (I'm quoting someone here, but not sure who.) I truly believe that. If we can survive the storms and fires of life we end up becoming stronger people. We end up with a lot to offer. We end up joyful and at peace, in spite of it.
I'm 61 years old and have lived with bipolar disorder for over forty years. Since I began relying on God at the age of 42 (as the result of a bipolar crisis), I have gradually become stronger. Many things came into play as part of this life of faith:
- my belief that God loves me the way I am. I did not suffer from feelings of guilt or shame. My illness isn't my fault, so why feel guilty?
- the courage to be open about my disorder (I was fortunate - I didn't have to work - so was relatively safe in letting the world know)
- the purpose I found in trying to reduce the stigma through writing about mental health issues. This sense of purpose - God-given - makes me feel strong and well.
- the Christ-like love and support I received from church friends
- the compassion I feel for others who suffer as I do. Another purpose - I want to help in some way - to love, as God loves me.
Eugene Peterson's paraphrased version of the Bible says this: "...every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good." (Romans 8:28)
Thursday, August 16, 2007
Finding meaning
My most recent article about finding meaning in my life with bipolar disorder was published today. I hope you'll take a look. There has been one comment, one I've responded to. The person vehemently disagrees with my efforts to take a positive spin on things. And perhaps you might agree with her. I think there's lots of room for discussion here.
But I have found meaning in life, meaning that I'm not sure I would have found without my disorder.
I was talking to a friend this afternoon who feels similarly about the renal failure she suffered a few years ago. She received a kidney transplant. It didn't take. Then she had another one. Today this tiny lady lives with four kidneys inside her (doctors did not remove the non-functioning ones). Physically she is not strong, but she is happy and has never felt as much at peace.
The thing is, in the midst of these transplants she found God. Her life has changed in an amazing way. This might not have happened if she had not suffered such a crisis.
Something similar happened to me. I began searching for God at a time I felt I could no longer cope on my own with the unbearable feelings my disorder brought on. I needed someone I could lean on to help me through those rough times. This is how I found God. And my life has also changed in an amazing way.
In the article that was published today I missed mentioning this important spiritual life that I have found in my life with bipolar. I wish I'd remembered to do that. But this more complete story, No Longer Alone, is also online. It was published in May. I would love if you would read it.
I would be interested to hear your comments on this positive look at living with bipolar disorder. Am I being far too positive (in your opinion)?
But I have found meaning in life, meaning that I'm not sure I would have found without my disorder.
I was talking to a friend this afternoon who feels similarly about the renal failure she suffered a few years ago. She received a kidney transplant. It didn't take. Then she had another one. Today this tiny lady lives with four kidneys inside her (doctors did not remove the non-functioning ones). Physically she is not strong, but she is happy and has never felt as much at peace.
The thing is, in the midst of these transplants she found God. Her life has changed in an amazing way. This might not have happened if she had not suffered such a crisis.
Something similar happened to me. I began searching for God at a time I felt I could no longer cope on my own with the unbearable feelings my disorder brought on. I needed someone I could lean on to help me through those rough times. This is how I found God. And my life has also changed in an amazing way.
In the article that was published today I missed mentioning this important spiritual life that I have found in my life with bipolar. I wish I'd remembered to do that. But this more complete story, No Longer Alone, is also online. It was published in May. I would love if you would read it.
I would be interested to hear your comments on this positive look at living with bipolar disorder. Am I being far too positive (in your opinion)?
Monday, August 13, 2007
I need your help
Frustrating! I had saved a couple of quotes from people on the blogs about how it feels to not have anyone understanding they can really talk to when they need support for their depression. They expressed the loneliness they felt and the lack of understanding they received from their friends.
I needed these to help me write an article about the need we who suffer from depression have for good support. And now they've vanished.
Could you help me?
How does it feel when you have no one to talk to who will show compassion?
I'm truly hoping you can put on your thinking caps, remember what it feels like or how it feels today, and write a line or two. This article is for a Christian website that wants to educate Christians about mental illness.
I needed these to help me write an article about the need we who suffer from depression have for good support. And now they've vanished.
Could you help me?
How does it feel when you have no one to talk to who will show compassion?
I'm truly hoping you can put on your thinking caps, remember what it feels like or how it feels today, and write a line or two. This article is for a Christian website that wants to educate Christians about mental illness.
Saturday, August 11, 2007
Church response to the mentally ill
All of you who are interested in issues of faith and mental health would find this article by Peter Andres of Mennonite Central Committee Supportive Care Services in BC a worthwhile read...and it's not only because he quotes me.
What deeply impassioned me once again was the comment by a person named Daniel from South Africa. Is there ever a lot of work to do to educate the Christian church! I pray that God will help us do that. I pray that God will help Christians listen.
What deeply impassioned me once again was the comment by a person named Daniel from South Africa. Is there ever a lot of work to do to educate the Christian church! I pray that God will help us do that. I pray that God will help Christians listen.
Wednesday, August 08, 2007
Other-centeredness
First of all, thanks to everyone who commented on my last post. I hope you'll check out the comments I made on your comments :-)
A couple of days ago I felt so awful, even thinking I might be on the edge of depression again - all because I felt I had been leaning too heavily on my friends - bothering them too much with my phone calls and emails. Today I feel much better. It didn't take long to get over. Makes me wonder whether I wasn't a bit too quick to start complaining publicly about my insecure feelings.
Through helping a friend who was in some trouble I forgot all about my own. I find repeatedly that when I start to think about others rather than myself I feel better. When I do a little thing for someone else, or call to see how someone who hasn't been well is feeling, or when I work on a piece of writing that might help others, I don't have as much of a problem. When I forget about myself I don't worry about how I look to others. I stop looking inside myself and look outside.
Yet it's the nature of depression - and mania as well - to focus on self. We become self-centered. I've learned that by practising other-centeredness I can perhaps even ward off a depression when it threatens. It doesn't always work, but I'm sure it has helped many times.
Facilitating my Living Room support group has helped my emotional well-being in a big way. I feel stronger, more together. Today there are 37 members in the group. Of course, not everyone shows up at the same time. I receive frequent phone calls from people who want to start coming and phone calls from people who want to talk. There are always two or three that need some special attention. Serving the needs of these people has given me great joy. I feel I'm doing what God designed me for. Living Room has helped me stop thinking of myself overly much. I've prayed for a long time to be more other-centered and Living Room has been one of the answers to this prayer.
If you are interested in the Living Room faith-based support group concept for people with mood disorders, let me know. I have created manuals to help you set one up as an outreach project for your church. It's thorough and will give you all the tools you need. Just email me at info@candidsbymarja.com.
A couple of days ago I felt so awful, even thinking I might be on the edge of depression again - all because I felt I had been leaning too heavily on my friends - bothering them too much with my phone calls and emails. Today I feel much better. It didn't take long to get over. Makes me wonder whether I wasn't a bit too quick to start complaining publicly about my insecure feelings.
Through helping a friend who was in some trouble I forgot all about my own. I find repeatedly that when I start to think about others rather than myself I feel better. When I do a little thing for someone else, or call to see how someone who hasn't been well is feeling, or when I work on a piece of writing that might help others, I don't have as much of a problem. When I forget about myself I don't worry about how I look to others. I stop looking inside myself and look outside.
Yet it's the nature of depression - and mania as well - to focus on self. We become self-centered. I've learned that by practising other-centeredness I can perhaps even ward off a depression when it threatens. It doesn't always work, but I'm sure it has helped many times.
Facilitating my Living Room support group has helped my emotional well-being in a big way. I feel stronger, more together. Today there are 37 members in the group. Of course, not everyone shows up at the same time. I receive frequent phone calls from people who want to start coming and phone calls from people who want to talk. There are always two or three that need some special attention. Serving the needs of these people has given me great joy. I feel I'm doing what God designed me for. Living Room has helped me stop thinking of myself overly much. I've prayed for a long time to be more other-centered and Living Room has been one of the answers to this prayer.
If you are interested in the Living Room faith-based support group concept for people with mood disorders, let me know. I have created manuals to help you set one up as an outreach project for your church. It's thorough and will give you all the tools you need. Just email me at info@candidsbymarja.com.
Sunday, August 05, 2007
My river
“For out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks.” (Matthew 12:34)
I’m a communicator by nature. This is what has helped me as a photographer and writer.
But lately I've been feeling very badly about myself, having the distinct feeling that I've been burdening friends too much with emails and phone calls. This tendency to over-communicate is difficult to control; it's like an obsession. Every once in a while I feel this way - like I'm a nuisance and a burden. It's an ugly feeling; it's a depressing feeling.
Fortunately, since I started blogging things have improved a bit. I have one more place to express myself. But there's nothing like talking to a special friend who understands me and has become important to me. I just wish I could find it in myself to give my friends more space. I sincerely hope and pray that God will help me change.
This problem is with me whether I'm high or low. It is not affected too much by mood. Is this a bipolar thing? Does anyone else have problems with over-communicating?
Saturday, August 04, 2007
Sleeping: an act of trust
It's a coincidence - or is it? - that Susan of Bipolarwellness just finished talking about sleeping problems, searching for solutions that might help Kira out. I had been planning on doing a post about the problems of getting rest. It was the topic for our last Living Room meeting.
Some of the practical solutions to getting to sleep are well covered in Susan's post. But there is a spiritual angle to this - one I haven't seen discussed too much anywhere. I read a wonderful book by Mark Buchanan and loved it so much that I am in the process of reading it again. The Rest of God: Restoring Your Soul by Restoring the Sabbath deals with rediscovering what it means to truly rest. One of the things Buchanan writes about is sleep.
I want to share with you what he has to say on this topic:
Sleep is "...a relinquishment. It is a self-abandonment: of control, of power, of consciousness, of identity. We direct nothing in our sleep. We master nothing. We lose ourselves and are carried like children or prisoners into a netherworld alternately grotesque and idyllic, carnivalesque and elysian. In sleep we become infants again: utterly vulnerable, completely defenseless, totally dependent. Out of control.
"...So sleep, besides being a necessity, is also an act of faith.
"...we give ourselves, regardless of our unfinished business, into God's care. We sleep simply because we believe God will look after us."
A good trip
Thank you Di, Marie, Tery, and Mel for your good wishes for the road trip with my husband's mother.
The trip actually did feel like a holiday. Though we did a lot of driving within a short time, we enjoyed ourselves. We had rented a larger car so there was plenty of room for our luggage and mother's walker. And the traveling was smoother and much more comfortable than it would have been with our smaller car. It was a good investment.
I think I enjoyed myself more with Mom along than I would have if it were only my husband and I. She was so appreciative of everything - had such delight in all she saw. I felt true joy knowing that we were giving her a trip that she had long ago thought was no longer possible for her.
I got a kick out of her frequent remarks on how good the roads were. She remembered the way the roads were when she travelled them as a much younger person.
Taking a trip with Mother is something I would not mind repeating sometime. But next time we won't need to rush so much.
The trip actually did feel like a holiday. Though we did a lot of driving within a short time, we enjoyed ourselves. We had rented a larger car so there was plenty of room for our luggage and mother's walker. And the traveling was smoother and much more comfortable than it would have been with our smaller car. It was a good investment.
I think I enjoyed myself more with Mom along than I would have if it were only my husband and I. She was so appreciative of everything - had such delight in all she saw. I felt true joy knowing that we were giving her a trip that she had long ago thought was no longer possible for her.
I got a kick out of her frequent remarks on how good the roads were. She remembered the way the roads were when she travelled them as a much younger person.
Taking a trip with Mother is something I would not mind repeating sometime. But next time we won't need to rush so much.
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