Although I'm not hypomanic, I have gotten myself into an awful lot of projects and work lately. I wonder why I always do that? Even when my mood is normal I like to take on a lot of stuff. Last week I suggested a fundraiser cookbook for my church. We badly need to replace the roof and it's a lot of money for a small congregation like ours to raise. So I had the wonderful idea to produce a community cookbook: Recipes from Many Nations. This won't be your run-of-the-mill church cookbook. This will involve the whole community.
This is exciting. But, what with tying up the loose ends of my book, finding a publisher, facilitating the support group, looking after mom and mom-in-law, and my household, it is a lot of stuff. This cookbook will be a responsibility. And I'm not one to do things half-heartedly. I'm perfectly able to handle everything now, but am worried what would happen if I were to go into a depression. I'm trying to find a right-hand person to work with me so the project will be safe, even if I do flounder.
This is one of the most frustrating thing about living with bipolar. You never know where your mood is going to be. You never know if you can count on yourself. I'm a responsible person. I've accomplished a lot. I get things done. When I'm stable I see no reason not to trust myself. Yet you never know...
But today I'm well and strong, doing one thing at a time and I'm grateful for that. Each morning I will pray, asking God to continue giving me strength and courage to do all he has led me to do. I will trust in him and take one day at a time.
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9 comments:
I understand the : not knowing what you will be like tomorrow. I may be fine right now: but tomorrow I might not be able to get out of bed and suicidal, and the next day- i might start thinking colors are friends inside of my head (yeah- even the sane me doesn't get that one).
Its hard to plan the most basic of things: vacation, work schedule, when to finish school assignments.
and its even more frustrating when you know that your fixing to do downhill: and you have a test the next day.
I think your smart to get someone to help you- if only I could get someone to help me on my tests.
I have a wonderful Fundraising Cookbook service company website address that I could send you for your church.
Just let me know if you are interested. It is easy, fun and you don't have to put out a dime...:)
Thanks Machelle and Dream:
Is it Rasmussen you're thinking of, Dream? I've done a cookbook with them before and they're great.
Nope its not...It was Fundcraft that I used for a MOMS Club fundraiser.
hi! i got your link from sarah's blog. i understand all the mood shift, i am also a bipolar (type 2) i am more often than not scared as to what is gonna happen to me the next day or so. sometimes its frustrating esp when you really need to be in a good mood to do things effectively. hope youre feeling better. cheers!
My gosh, you've got a lot on your plate. I hope things stay well for you.
hope you dont get too overwhelmed
Marja! I just caught up on your blogs and i am so proud of you!!! I can't believe you made it on the paper! I also can't believe i missed it! :)
You know, i don't think us Bipolar sufferers will ever feel normal regularly. I think we will always have slightly higher uppers and slightly lower lowers than the average person, on a GOOD day.
But thank the Lord for medication and also you know, we have a blessing in that these mood fluctuations cause us to become SO MUCH STRONGER in life. Even for having the illness we are strong because we are given the challenge to handle it.
I will pray that you stay on an even course. I miss you Marja!!
Chalexa! So good to hear from you. You're right about us always having slightly higher and slightly lower moods than the average. But, if you read my next post, you will see that I am slipping again. Just hope I can nip it in the bud before it has a chance to become longterm. Pray that God will help me keep my head above water - especially with all I have on my plate.
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