I'm trying to do some positive things - some creative projects - hoping to boost my mood, hoping to reactivate me. Better than just lying around, I suppose, but so far it hasn't worked too well.
Today was a down day and as I look at all the things I'm committed to this week, I'm feeling worried I won't be able to handle them all. Not unless I can wake up in a better mood tomorrow. I have to pray for an up day tomorrow.
Too often I feel like withdrawing from everything, just hiding or disappearing altogether. Can't see how I can do all that's on my plate.
My negative thinking is affecting me bigtime. That's probably the worst of it. I struggle to hang onto my faith. I question my worth. I question whether God can still use me.
My pastor pointed out Psalm 42 and 43 to me this morning and they're an encouragement. At the end of each, David wrote:
"Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God."
And as I go through my depressed periods, I need to say to God: "...and yet I will praise you, my God and Savior."
Tomorrow I'll see my pdoc. See what he can do to help me.
In the meantime I need to give myself into God's hands and trust Him.