Wednesday, December 15, 2010


I can see why most people isolate when they're depressed. People don't know how to respond to you when you're untalkative and glum. And it's so difficult to pretend to be cheerful when you don't feel it inside. It's so hard to be sociable. And you feel so unlovable, though you need love so badly. So...what do you do?

You hide and suffer in silence.

I've tried reaching out, but it doesn't feel good. I feel I'm a bother and am putting a damper on everything for everybody.

How long, O Lord? Will you forget me forever?
How long will you hide your face from me?
How long must I wrestle with my thoughts
and every day have sorrow in my heart?
How long will my enemy triumph over me?
Look on me and answer, O Lord my God.
Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death
(Psalm 13:1-3)

David sure understood. What a comfort to read psalms like this and realize I'm not alone with such thoughts.
"But," he says "I trust in your unfailing love"

At least, you understand, God. You have compassion. "Thy compassion it fails not." I pray that I'll find sufficiency in the knowledge of your love.


Coco said...

Marja, I understand your thoughts very well. Isolation is the default when depression hits, yet we need the exact opposite. I hope you're more well soon. I'm feeling very well myself at the moment, but am always wary of what's around the corner. I'm always reading what you write, by the way, even if I'm mostly silent. (((hugs))) coco

marja said...

Thanks for the hugs, Coco. It feels good to get them.

Liz said...

Hi, Marja!
I just wanted to let you know I'm praying for you and I thank you once again for sharing so much in your blog. It truly helps.
Greetings from Spain.

marja said...

Liz: Thank you for being there and for praying. I'm relieved that being so honest is actually helping other people. I don't want to write just for myself.