Thursday, December 09, 2010

My response to God

I had a good day yesterday, a blessedly good day. The day before had been an awful one - one of the worst. Yes, I seem to be going up and down again. Better than having every day a bad one though, eh?

Yesterday I went for a workout and baked two batches of Christmas cookies. I felt so encouraged. And I prayed hard that this upswing would continue. I begged God to help my good mood stick around.

But this morning - as I'm not feeling quite as positive - as I'm feeling a worn-ness, I wonder if begging God for wellness was really the right attitude to take. Shouldn't I just have faith that He WILL help me overcome? Rather than this begging, shouldn't I just trust?

In his book The Land Between, Jeff Manion wrote how "Our response to God while in the Land Between [the trials we go through] is what will determine whether our journey through this desert will result in deep, positive growth or spiritual decline." As the Israelites, wandering in the desert, needed to trust God to provide, I too need to trust God...daily.

God is with me, whether I'm up or down. I need to find encouragement in that knowledge. I need to realize that, even if I don't "feel" his love, it IS there. And I need to rest in that knowledge and wait patiently for Him to lift me out of the mire and mud of my low times.

Ah, but it's the nature of the disease to forget all about that, isn't it? It's the nature of the disease to feel like things are hopeless. What a tragedy!

And yet...today I will trust. I will have faith. God is good and He will provide what I need for today.

2 comments:

Jane said...

As I was reading your post, I saw the cover of your book "A firm place to stand." God is your solid rock. When you're down and out or feeling great and could walk on clouds... he is ROCK SOLID and holding you. You must lean on him constantly and find rest and healing by his Holy Spirit. God loves you and fights for you so you don't have to go it alone. Eph. 3:18 reminds us that "we may have the power to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ."You have your meds, and your physicians, and they are doing their job they best they can. So now, let God do his, as he holds you in his healing, loving, Sovereign arms.

marja said...

Thank you for the reminder, Jane. I appreciate it.